The Con

[tegan and sara - the con]

nobody likes to, but i really like to cry.

nobody likes me, maybe if i cry.

"Once you get through the first three or four months, that's when it all comes out.. that's the con. You create this person that you're going to be, and then it all falls apart." - Tegan Quin

I'm shifting things around to make myself presentable because I want you to like me.

the way it feels

i am inside your sweater, under your shirt and my little hamster heart is trying to be a better little hamster heart.

the inside of your sweater is made with that fluffy stuff and it feels nice. and it's still kind of warm.

i'm really tired. is that okay? i wish i were a little tiny baby so i could fall asleep on your chest. i wish i had little tiny baby hands so i could tug at your shirt and pull your hair and touch your face and it would be okay, because babies touch things, and you can't blame them for touching things. i wish i were a baby so i could look at you in wonder, and be amazed at how the world created this thing, like these tiny hairs on your face, like the shape of your nose. babies are amazed by everything.

my stupid little hamster heart runs all night and it won't shut up. why don't you want to run on your wheel? do you want some water?

Josie's On A Vacation Far Away

[the outfields - your love]

the reason I'm bringing back this song (well probs not personally bringing it back) is because on the playlist at work there is a cover of "your love" so it's been in my head.

also because apparently once alex made riese a mix tape with this song and the lyrics "i just like my girls a little bit older" which i think is really cute. this might not be exactly true but i'm too lazy to search through all of riese's tweets.

i discovered this song through tegan and sara's cover of "I ran (so far away)" when at the beginning Sara starts singing "your love" except she can only get through "josie's on a vaca--".

so to recap: i love alex, riese, tegan, sara, music.

When I Was Young Part 1: How The Spice Girls and Tegan & Sara Shaped My Life

Everybody has had one. Everybody has had an idol, a hero of some sort, someone they obsessed over and knew everything about. There's always some celebrity or artist or writer that inspired you when you were a kid, shaped your childhood. Before high school, it was The Spice Girls. Now, it's Tegan and Sara.

++

My aunt first introduced me to The Spice Girls in 1997 or so. My aunt tries to be hip and on top of those things kids like -- she was the one who bought be Harry Potter in 1999. She also claimed last year to discover this really great new band which she then revealed to be The Arcade Fire who've existed for a long time already. So there's that.

But The Spice Girls were probably the first thing I ever truly loved. I had all their CDs, the movie, the books, the t-shirts. I knew all the words even though I didn't know what "ziga-zig-ah" or "two become one" meant. 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys were super popular at that time too, but I could never get on board. I think I cried when Geri left the group. I even have The Spice Girls last album as a group of four (quatro? what?) called "Forever" except I think it's a shortened version or something.

When I listen to The Spice Girls now I get all nostalgic and want to cry. First of all, their songs are still awesome. Secondly, they have a really good message for girls: GIRL POWER. This is essential in helping Carly realize her lesbian tendencies. Thirdly, the movie was awesome when I was 8 or 9 and it's still awesome 10 years later.

++

I can't remember the year I first heard Tegan and Sara. It must've been 2005. I had read somewhere "I hope I never figure out who broke your heart, and if I do...." and liked it. So I googled it and discovered "Living Room" and then "You Wouldn't Like Me" and "I Know I Know I Know" and "My Number". Then I recall specifically the winter of 2006 when myspace was popular being on somebody's myspace page and hearing "Walking With a Ghost". That's when it really started. I listened to "Underwater" and "Where Does the Good Go" and a bunch of songs from If It Was You. Then The Con came out and I joined saraandtegan.ca and went to their concert in October 2007 and had (have) a folder full of pictures of them. I learned to tell them apart, watched all the videos and had all their CDs, wished I could meet them, wished I could marry Sara against the stones of buildings built before we were born.

Tegan and Sara did a lot for me that I can't explain. I mean, they showed me a side of myself I didn't know existed. They wrote songs about feelings I couldn't explain myself.

How do you explain a song? "Back In Your Head" was one of those songs that said everything I felt about myself so honestly that I never wanted to say anything except recite the lyrics. My belief is that the album version is not the way "Back In Your Head" is meant to be heard, but the demo version captures the true essence.

"City Girl" makes me cry.

One of the most surreal experiences I've ever had was driving with Katrina in Nyack listening to Tegan and Sara. We could talk about little things, like the way Sara's backup vocals sound on the Spinner version of "Nineteen" and big things, like The Con as a whole album.

If all I ever had left to say were Tegan and Sara lyrics, I would be okay. It would be everything I've ever wanted to say to people.

(wojo4hitz)

++

I'm happy I subconsciously picked women heroes.

Top 10 Albums I Can't Live Without

I'm doing the music monday today because tomorrow night I'll be at the Tegan and Sara concert. Fo' realz.

10. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away

I picked this even though I can live without the entire album but I can't live without The Shins. I would like to make a 'Best of The Shins' CD and it would include songs from all 3 of their albums. For the record, my favourite Shins song is "Pink Bullets" which is on their album Chutes Too Narrow. Anyways, it took me a while to really like Wincing the Night Away but after 3 years I finally enjoy every song.

Favourite: Australia

9. Iron & Wine - Around the Well

Around the Well is one of those compilation CDs with two discs of previously unreleased stuff. Around the Well features some of my favourite Iron & Wine songs such as "Kingdom of the Animals", "God Made the Automobile", "Carried Home", "The Trapeze Swinger", and Sam Beam's cover of "Such Great Heights", which btw, is my favourite The Postal Service song. So there.

Favourite: Kingdom of the Animals

8. The New Pornographers - Challengers

Challengers is my favourite NP's album because it's the only full album I've heard from them. Rumour has it they're releasing a new album in '10, which is really exciting because I will purchase it and maybe it'll be better than Challengers but that'll be hard because Challengers is a really good album. There isn't a weak song on the entire CD.

Favourite: Adventures in Solitude

7. Tegan and Sara - The Con

Arguably Tegan and Sara's best album, The Con fills me with so many emotions that I'm surprised I don't cry every time I hear it. It comes with a DVD and if you were lucky enough to have friends who would spend $10 on you, then you could have gotten the demo CD as well on their US tour in 2008 (thanks Katrina!). Almost everybody uses Tegan and Sara lyrics as titles for their blog posts because they're so good. Also because they're very relate-able.

Favourite: Back in Your Head

6. Bright Eyes - Noise Floor: Rarities 1998-2005

I can't remember why I decided to buy Noise Floor but it was definitely one of the best decisions ever. The album art is really good, but also the tracks are solid and I'm having a hard time picking a favourite song. My only qualm with Noise Floor is the length, but Bright Eyes always has super long albums anyways.

Depending on my mood, my favourites are: Blue Angels Air Show, Weather Reports, Seashell Tale, or Amy in the White Coat

5. Sarah Mclachlan - Mirrorball

Ever since I discovered Mirrorball way at the back of a shelf in a giant cupboard in the basement, I have not been able to live without it. Seriously guys, Mirrorball is pure gold. If you think Sarah Mclachlan is good on studio albums, wait till you hear her live. Sometimes I have no idea what her songs are about but they make me cry anyway.

Favourite: Sweet Surrender, Angel

4. Tegan and Sara - If It Was You

It's unlikely that many other people would pick If It Was You as one of their favourite T&S albums because So Jealous and The Con are so good, but if I had to pick just

one it would be If It Was You. Firstly, it features one of their best songs "City Girl", and secondly, it includes other fan favourites like "Living Room", "Monday Monday Monday" and "I Hear Noises". Also if you haven't heard "Want to be Bad" performed live in Melbourne, which I tried semi-hard to find on youtube, then you should look it up yourself and listen to it. On top of that, "Underwater" seriously underrated as it is a real Sara gem, as is "Terrible Storm". I bet you haven't listened hard enough to Matt Sharpe's bass at the end of the latter. You know what, you should just go listen to this whole album right now.

Favourite: City Girl

3. Okkervil River - The Stand Ins

I first purchased The Stand Ins in December '08 in California and my life has never been the same since. A couple of weeks later I started this blog and called it "the shoreline receding" which is a line from "Lost Coastlines" which is possibly the best track on the album.

Okkervil River's lyrics and melodies never cease to amaze me, which is why I bought another one of their albums, Black Sheep Boy and just because it's not on this list doesn't mean it's not phenomenal.

Favourite: Lost Coastlines

Runner Ups: Calling and Not Calling my Ex; Bruce Wayne Campbell Interviewed on the Roof of the Chelsea Hotel, 1979

2. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago

I can't live without this album because I fall asleep to it every night. Yes, every night. I can't explain to you the pleasures of Justin Vernon's out of tune guitar and high pitched voice. Bon Iver is just pure magic, pure fucking magic.

Favourite: re:stacks

1. Death Cab for Cutie - We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes

We Have the Facts is DCFC's best album, hands down (well, maybe there's room for Transatlanticism). I can't even really explain what makes this album so good -- I think it's the simplicity of it, the crappyish recording, the fact that it sounds like 3 people with 3 instruments and not 28. Plans was good, Narrow Stairs was good, but they will never measure up to We Have the Facts. I wouldn't give this album away for 10 million dollars. Just read the lyrics to "No Joy in Mudville".

Favourite: Company Calls Epilogue

Tomorrow Never Knows What It Doesn't Know Too Soon

Today is the last day of 2009. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely new decade. I don't know what to think. I guess a lot of people are doing year end reviews and whatever. I don't really have the energy to do that because I can't remember things because I'm old now. Jk! Next year I turn 20, so this is my last year as a teenager. Kind of a scary thought.

Yesterday I was going over in my mind every month of 2009 to think of eventful .. events and I couldn't remember what I did for march break. I did nothing.

Significant events of 2009 in chronological order: meeting katrina, losing the hockey finals, working for autostraddle, getting a "real" job, going to new york for the autostraddle rodeo disco, going to new york for the second time, quitting hockey, being back at school and being happy, going to dc for the march on washington.

It's unlikely that I will ever link to the first 3 months of this blog ever again.

Significant events that I expect will occur in 2010:

January 8-13: NYC

January 11: it will be this blog's 1 year anniversary. weird, huh?

January 17: T&S concert

January 20: back to school ("significant"?)

Everything after that is up in the air. I expect to receive a letter or something from UBC either accepting or rejecting my application and from there I guess I'll have to make some decisions. I want to move into an apartment in the spring/summer. I want to make more trips to NY. I want to still have a job to pay for said trips. Maybe I'll go to Europe. Maybe I'll be in love. I don't know what's going to happen. It's kind of exciting. Hopefully my friends still like me in 2010. Maybe some a really good movie will come out. Maybe a really good book will come out, though I feel that's unlikely. Maybe I'll write a really good book.

Anyways. 2009 was a pretty good year and 2010 looks pretty good too. I mean, I think I'm finally growing up, or whatever. And I'm glad I spent 2009 with the people I did. Because I love love. And disobeying everything my eighth grade teacher taught me about starting sentences with "and", "but", and "because". (I'm JKing about that. Grammar lesson to follow in 2010). Happy New Year!

Don't Forget a Million Miles For Me, Safe and Another Day Has Passed by Me

"I went to B&H and got some film. Worked on autostraddle stuff with Riese and X. We smoked a joint and then went to meet Brooke, Carly, and Robin for dinner where I got drunk. Laura met us halfway through. We slept in Riese's living room and cuddled and talked and it was nice just to listen to people breathing."

- journal, August 14 2009

The room was dark, but not completely. The moonlight came through the cracks in the curtains and lit up little pathways on the floor. I remembered the first night I had stayed there, the night before. I slept on the couch. There were dark red candles on the table, at about eye-level. I thought about blowing them out because I could still see the flame when I closed my eyes but I decided not to. It added a cozy warmth to the room. For that first night I was alone with my thoughts and feeling little fits of happiness in my stomach. I was content and warm and felt like I belonged. There was satisfaction in knowing that the me from 7 months ago would never have predicted this. The fan in the window hummed quietly.

The second night was different. We slept on a mattress on the floor. The fan tried its best but the air was just sticky and hot. We pulled close to each other anyway and whispered breathy secrets. It was liberating. I felt like I was in another world, and maybe I was. I associate the feeling with New York but it could have been anywhere as long as the people were there. As long as I could lie on the floor and feel peace.

I spent the week in a daze. I seemed to be drunk all the time. I tried to get the seat next to the air conditioner. I tried to count how much money I had left. I tried to take pictures. I tried to remember every detail, every corner of every room, every street sign, every cloud in the sky. I couldn't. I only remember feeling as happy as I had ever been in my life. Now when I'm alone I think of the dark red candles. I think of Laura's navy blue shirt. I think of the mattress on the floor and the moon just outside the window and the steady breathing of the two people beside me who promised me without words that they would always be my friends.

++

June 26th, 2009. The road was foggy and empty. The yellow lines stretched on. Katrina was driving, looking for a place we never found. We listened to Tegan and Sara and it was surreal. We listened to the Yellowknife version of City Girl and we listened to the Spinner version of Nineteen and the Melbourne version of Want to be Bad. We listened to every Tegan and Sara song we could and we drove and drove and drove.

It was perfect, really. We met through a mutual love of Tegan and Sara, see. What seemed like a hundred years before, Katrina had been the girl who stole the screenname I wanted. Then she was the girl I stayed up late talking to. Then she was the girl I tried to write songs with over the internet. Then I was in DC in February and she was the girl who went from 2-D to 3-D and there was really no stopping it now. Suddenly she was in Montreal, in my room, watching the series finale of The L Word with me. It was before I knew Riese but after I had sent her that first email and I guess the forces were already at work because in four months we would be in Rockland talking about autostraddle. Riese said people usually like her better before they meet her, but I don't think that's true. I like her so much more.

The point is that four months after Katrina slept in my bed I was sleeping in her bed and driving in her car and on the eve of meeting Riese for the first time. I remember sitting in the bleachers at Katrina's high school -- the sky filled with stars, the air crisp but warm, and feeling tiny and large at the same time. The feeling would last until I took a cab to Penn Station and repeated those words to myself as the morning train took me home -- New York is big and small. My heart is big and I am small. There is enough room in my heart for everyone and everyone and other people and I will keep you [you] there because I need you [you] with me all the time.

++

I came back in August not really knowing why but feeling like I had to. I didn't know what I wanted. Maybe it was just a piece of that feeling back -- I don't even know what the feeling was or where it went -- but I wanted to recreate it.

It was so much better than the first time. I felt braver when I went home. I felt fuller, more complete. Now it's like I carry [their] hearts around but instead of feeling weighed down I feel light. I put one step in front of the other and hold this secret in my chest, this wonderful, wonderful secret, the secret everybody knows but not as well as us, no, not as well as me -- I could try and tell you but I'm not sure you'd understand: these people are more human than humans. They're more fantastical than unicorns. They're prettier than snow, they're smarter than smart things, they're worth more than their weight in gold.

They're changing the world, one heart at a time.

++

"X and Lola came over. I was passing out at 2:30 but I didn't want to fall asleep. Went to bed at 4 AM anyway. Also we came up with conspiracy facts about Gaga."

- journal, August 17 2009

At 4 AM I finally obeyed my tired eyes. I never wanted to sleep, never wanted to go home. There were three fans humming in the corners and not enough plugs for our computers. Where was the moon? I left my heart in Riese's living room.

I Felt You In My Legs Before I Ever Met You

Since the day I started this blog, I have been waiting for this moment. JK. Since I started music monday I've been waiting for this moment, this once in a lifetime moment. On Friday it was my 19th birthday.

That's not the moment I've been waiting for.

What I've been waiting for is this:

[tegan and sara - nineteen]

(sidenote this is the live version t&s did for spinner which is the best version of nineteen you will ever hear)

I was... nineteeeeeeeeeeeen, caaaaalll meeeee.

Except that you actually couldn't for a while because I left my phone in a taxi. Yeah, go me. Then my parents had to pay ransom for it because I was at work for 7.5 hours folding clothes. Money!

Also I realize that on my Rules of Life list I forgot something essential. If you recall, my Rules of Life are as follows:

1. Don't be too drunk.

2. Don't cry.

3. Everything's going to be fine.

4. Never try to write somebody else's poetry.

I need to add to that, perhaps one of the most important things ever ever ever and I can't believe I forgot it:

5. Always bring lipbalm.

Well I Know What I Want, What I Want is SAINTHOOD

Listen up, guys. Tegan and Sara have this new album coming out October 27, as I've probably already mentioned it one or a million times. Crystal and I reviewed Sainthood and wrote a track by track breakdown of the whole album. Read it, bitches.

Today's music monday tuesday is SAINTHOOD.

Love, Me, and Tegan & Sara: Whatever Will Be Will Be

[van morrison - have i told you lately]

things i need to tell people:

1.

oops. can't do it.

i think this song is about god.

++

i couldn't just choose one today.

[monsters of folk - the sandman, the brakeman, and me]
-whatever will be, will be.

++

[tegan and sara - alligator]
(song starts at 3:30)

[tegan and sara - the ocean]

new from upcoming album sainthood.
preorder and get the book set on, in, at.

polanoid

Hey! It's Tumblr Saturday!

Text:
Vashti and I exchange tumblr emails daily because we're really cool and we like full inboxes. It's possible that I will make this a regular feature. It would be cool if I could do Tumblr Tuesday but I already have Music Monday and I hate posting two days in a row. So maybe a Tumblr Saturday.

Our tumblr emails consist of all the things you can post on tumblr: text, photo, quote, link, chat, audio, and video.

Photo:

Quote:
"reality continues to ruin my life" - calvin

Link:
http://luna.typepad.com/weblog/

Chat:
Sara: Maybe a matching bracelet. Show her you're a baller. I hope that helps.
Tegan: ... Show her what?!
Sara: Show her you're a baller.
Tegan: What the fuck is a 'baller'?!
Sara: It's like nelly, it's like hip hop. It's mtv, we have to speak their language.

Audio:
Lovers in Japan - Coldplay

Video:
http://vimeo.com/6426849

I've Been Reading. I've Been Reading Some Crappy Books.

So Harry Potter happened! Sometimes I get the urge to read all the Harry Potter books in a row, so I did that, and then the movie came out. I saw it. Did you? Probably maybe. My only comment is this, and has been this since the first movie came out: Alan Rickman is perfect as Snape (I wrote Spane first cause my fingers don't have nerves that connect to my brain). I have other comments but even I don't care about them.

Remember last time I read some books? That was over a month ago. Also, who is the anonymous commentater? I've been trying to figure it out for .. over a month. Anyways, this is what I've been reading lately, nothing too interesting or exciting. Mostly I've been taking books of my shelf that I haven't read in a long time and that usually means I first read them when I was 10.

Build a wall of books between us in our bed

After reading Harry Potter, I decided to read Pirates! by Celia Rees because it was on my shelf and I wanted to be 13 again. Basically I don't have anything to say about this book because it's for 13 year olds and I'm (thankfully!) not that age anymore.

Then Katie lent me Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk which was really just a crazy book. Everybody is just somebody else with a fake name and it's all super dramatic and high paced. It was really well written, but then again I expect nothing less from Chuck Palahniuk. Ps Fight Club is obvs still an awesome movie. Brb going to watch it.

Alright, I'm not going to lie, I like fantasy novels. I just do. So I read The Sight by David Clement-Davies which was a really good book when I was younger. It was still kinda good, except I think I skipped a lot of words and just "read" it, if you know what I mean. No? I know, I'm terrible at explaining things. It was still fairly interesting anyway, a couple of times I thought he was trying to make a religious comment about the world except it was so random that I wasn't sure.

Here's where it gets "serious" (is anything ever serious?). After these books I decided that I wanted to be more "scholarly" and "educated" and "intellectual" so now I'm only reading "classic literature". I read The Outsider (or The Stranger or L'étranger in the real french version) by Albert Camus. The way it was written reminded me of The Catcher in the Rye, another "classic novel". I read it in one day though, it was fast and good (that's what she said) and probably one that I'd read again.

Currently I'm reading The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne in an effort to give the appearance that I'm smart. It's one of those books I really have to focus to get through it. Also I always read Hesta Prynn instead of Hester Prynne, which is actually fine with me. Remember this? Sara's hair is so long!

Speaking of Tegan and Sara, their new album is coming out October 27. So get ready.

In other news, Tokyo is still having "thundershowers" and I almost went for a run today.

There Was a Terrible Storm and You Were Wearing All Our Coats

Ever since I got this iPhone that has a weather application I've been obsessively checking the weather reports not only in Montreal but also in New York, Vancouver, San Francisco, Barcelona, Sydney, Rome, London, Tokyo, and Paris. I have no idea if any of it is accurate (it's yahoo!...) but I like to compare everyone elses better weather to ours. Except for Tokyo, I think God's trying to smote them.


Just so we're clear, those are all little clouds with lightening bolts coming out of them. Tokyo has looked like that all summer, they have the worst weather ever. I feel like Yahoo is making it up. They also make up the Montreal weather because it always says rainy or cloudy but lately it's just been a million degrees.

Anyways, in comparison, Rome is a ball of fucking sunshine.


Do I need to explain the round yellow balls? I'd just like to point out that Barcelona, San Fran, and Vancouver look exactly the same. Montreal? Looks like this:

Rain and thundershowers, basically.

Also apparently the Philippines have been having bad weather too. According to Katrina Chicklet, who is there, "omg we've been having like fucking flooding every day. Flooding like seep into the car, waves crash against curbs flooding.

Flooding like children swim in it."

Another reason I've been checking the weather all the time is because if it rains (like legit rain, not drizzling) I don't have to go outside and work! I can stay in my chalet and read a book! And it also means that my boss probably won't go outside either, even if it's just to drive his truck.

And that's the weather report. I'm not sorry I'm really boring! Take that!

Auto-Whhaat?! The Revolution is Here!

Hi! I'm back from New York! Do you guys like Tegan and Sara? Good! Listen to this while I write about this, the most amazing thing to happen to planet earth and the universe and the stars. Here's a picture:


Maybe some of you don't know this but I'm interning for Autostraddle and we had a big party this weekend with a mechanical bull. For serious. Anyways, more about that will come when I recover. Goodnight! I love you!

NEW MUSIC!!!!!! from Tegan and Sara

HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAP! it's so good.

Tegan + Sara + Me + Myself = Love/AWESOME 4eva and eva.

Also I suggest you keep up 'cause at one point Tegan and Sara are gonna come back and you don't want to miss that. I already have a new book on my list!

The Muscles Fought so Long to Control Against the Pull

Today is a big day for someone. Not for me, but for someone else. I'm just going to bear witness to it, I'm going to clap and drink and hide in the bathroom. I hate socializing. People are going to touch my hair and ask me when I'm going to the olympics. They'll point at my tattoo and ask me if it's real. My grandmother will probably make that "tchh!" sound and face and turn away -- why would you ever do something like that to yourself? I'll smile politely. Get another drink. Disappear for extended periods of time -- no one will notice me, it's a huge gathering, I'll just be off there in that gray area, stumbling around. If I had internet on my phone I would maybe live blog. But I don't, so I won't.

Today is the happiest day ever for someone. Right now. I wonder what they think as they wake up? Will I ever think those same thoughts? I don't think I could, knowing what I know and feel and see. It's just not fucking fair. Yesterday I woke up and couldn't feel my fingertips. I had a dream that someone's head was cut into 4 pieces but don't worry 'cause then she got up and killed her brother. I wonder what the happy people dream about.

Today is the greatest day ever for two people, given the opportunity to share their lives together. For others, today is another day denied equal rights, denied understanding and compassion, denied acceptance, denied as being humans. Today is another fight to live their lives as free, honest, loving, caring, etc. people. For some people, today is a day circled on the calendar. This is going to be an anniversary, a celebration -- a cele-fucking-bration! What the fuck are we celebrating? How come only some people get to celebrate? How come only certain people get to be happy? I know -- because everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others.

I cannot go to this wedding with a clear conscience.

--------

[tegan and sara - i was married]

and read this because you should.

---------

[edit at 1:35 am maybe drunk maybe iu;lk erase and edit this tomorrow probs not[

my thiughts and feelings re: guinuine heterosexual weddings. i think all weddings are genuine. i mean you don't get married thinking that you're gonna break upo with them in a year -- the moment itself is comepletey geniuine and honest and real. regardless of what really happens in 10, 20, 40 years, if they have affairs or have 2.5 kids but really end up hating each other -- they're not getting married with these thoughts in mind. the're thinkling it's gonna be the opposite. they want to beat the odds. that being said, i enjoyed myself qwuite a b it. i wish that i was not such a complete social retard but it was nice because maybe you know thst things like this make me cry. i told you this right? i cry at the olympics and it's not an athlete thing. i'm an idealist in the truest form and though i hate that being straight is super normal and being gay is frowned upon, i'm happy for them. and it doesn't even matter what i think because even though the bride and groom wanted to shasre this day with us it's really about them and they're in love and they don't need our permission. i'm an idealist and i believe in love so i'm glad they celebratied this. i guess the real thing that kills me is that people want to deny thi s same happiness to other people. i mean not in canada, in canada gays and lesbians can get married. but in the majority if the world gays and lesbains are prosecuted and stuff. but i think if these two peple, my cousin and some other guy, if they can fall in love and they want to make this commitment, however silly and caked with religious garbage, why can't anybody else. i think the way we see marriage now in our society is obviosuly not a handing over of the bride as property from one man to another, it's a promse that two peopl are makign to each other to love each other for a really long time, i dont think ti's a religious thing anymore, i eman i don't see why it should be cause they're in lvoe and that's so great and i'm so happy for them kinda i mean i just think they're lucky and i'm glad i was there cause every once in a while i need a reminder that there is good in the wrold. i like to see honest happy people. it makes me cry thinking about it watching them walk down the aisle i mean maybe nedt may 31 who knows what we'll be doing but they're gonna be remembering today. and i don;'t think they'll remember everyone who came or what songs were played or what food they ate. but they'll probably rememer being happy. even if may 31 2010 means they;'re in a fight or the dolphins are exgtinct or there's a power outage, today, tonight was somethign else. i am happy that tonight was full of love and happiness. i only wish that it was more easily shared. it's not fair that part of the world is denied this simple feeling. and i mean just that. i don;t know maybe sometimes it seems hard and stupid, love i mean, feels like it deosn't make sense. but then when you have it for real, like this, it is simple. it is so simple. and life is complicated, always, but love can be simple so why people try to steal its simplicity is beyond me. it cold be so simple.

You're So Tragedy and You Were Hard On Me

tegan and sara - want to be bad live in melbourne 2006

this is the best live version i've ever heard of this song. i wish i could marry sara. in the sun. against the stones of buildings built before we were born.

if you don't click on that link then you suck.

Music Monday: Where The Good Goes

Where does the good go? This song randomly came up on my playlist the other day and I forgot how much I liked it. I mean, I practically started bawling. Seriously, tears welled up in my eyes, and I was like "fuck you Tegan and Sara for understanding human emotions". I forgot how well they break my heart into a million pieces.

It's love that leaves..

cry cry cry

and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be real happy..

fuck my life

and healthy, strong and calm...

peanuts, donuts, grapes

where does the good go?

Seriously, where does it go?

This song hurts. I mean, it really hurts, my heart aches for myself and for the world; for all the "good" that was lost somewhere along the road and can't be picked up again because that would mean going back. 'Cause once it's gone, it's really really really gone. I guess that's how we grow up.

photo cass bird

Hot Tramp, I Love You So

Got your mother in a whirl...

She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl..

Hey babe, your hair's alright..

Hey babe, let's go out tonight...


Rebel, rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel, rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel, rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

I promise you this blog will get stranger.

Music Monday: North of Somewhere

Okay, so I had this idea planned for music Monday and then my laptop wouldn't turn on and my life exploded into a pile of dust. Obviously I jinxed myself with my dumb rant about irrational fears. Next my house is going to be on fire.

Anyways, I'm going to post a Canadian mixtape for Katrina. I don't have my iTunes which makes things considerably harder (read: really fucking hard), but hopefully it's still pleasing to the ears. Actually I'm just going to post the song name and you can assemble it yourself. It's like a DIY mixtape! When I say DIY I mean DIY but you better put these in the same order 'cause that's how I made it and I'm an evil dictator. Also, I know I've done Canadian artists in the past so this is getting old and redundant but SCREW YOU ok thanks, love you guys. This is for Katrina, the south American redneck who is neither a feminist nor educated. [when I say south American I mean the southern United States]

1. Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead
I was worried it would be really hard to pick a Stars track for this, but looking over their songs, it was pretty easy to pick this song. For one, it was the first Stars song I ever heard and they mention the Champlain Bridge. A direct reference to something in Canada works well when making a Canadian mixtape. Secondly, this is perfect for an opening track.

2. Hot Hot Heat - Middle of Nowhere
This song is really endearing. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

3. The New Pornographers - Challengers
I usually pick Sing Me Spanish Techno for my mixtapes, but somehow Challengers felt more fitting here. "Whatever the mess you are, you're mine."

4.The Weakerthans - Plea From A Cat Named Virtute
This song makes me sad and I feel a personal attachment to Virtute the cat. That is why I feel even sadder when I listen to Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure. That being said, I love both these songs. It's the innocent loving part of me, like I think inanimate objects have feelings and I feel bad when I throw them out.

5. City and Colour - Casey's Song
Canada is proud of you, Dallas Green.

6.The Tragically Hip - Ahead by a Century
I know The Tragically Hip are a 90's band and the rest of these are mostly all 2000's, but they really are one of Canada's great bands.

7. Tegan and Sara - I Bet It Stung
Favorite band, ever. Hands down, totes. There's something very approachable about them. On almost all their songs I say "yeah, me too". I should also mention that Sara is my wife. I mean, we've never met, but when we do it's almost a sure thing.

8. Moneen - The Frightening Reality that the title of this song is too long.
"Who is she? Who are they? Who am I?"

9.Our Lady Peace - Life
I have a soft spot for OLP. "How many special people change?" All of them, fuckers. I'm not bitter. [edit March 22 '09: no one noticed that I quoted the wrong song? I'm gonna look back on this one day and laugh.]

10. Dragonette - Get Lucky
I liked this band before they were on the radio. This song makes me happy, it's hard to stop listening to it.

11. Wintersleep - Weighty Ghost
This song makes me want to write a song.

12. Tokyo Police Club - In a Cave
I'm kinda new to Tokyo Police Club, but I really dig this song. They have a weird name, like they should be from Europe or something.

13. Metric - Empty
Metric, one of Canada's great underground bands that have also made it in the United States. If you have more time, definitely give this band a look.

14. Broken Social Scene - Almost Crimes
I'm actually not the biggest fan of Broken Social Scene, but they are pretty popular and I really like this song. Also, as I was thinking of this I realized that Feist used to be in this band and I forgot to put her on this list. Epic fail on my part. I'll just add her in here.

Nickleback
Simple Plan
Avril Lavigne

Also, 10 points if anyone gets the reference in the title. 10 points = my love and affection = I call you names and put you down as a defense mechanism.