four full years ago

i am sitting here, january 8 2013. here i sit. in my chair. on the internet.

four whole years ago i wrote this little poem and thus began a long relationship between my thoughts and the internet.

this blog has been through some weird times. i think, in these four years, i essentially grew up, and i documented a lot of that right here. and i'm still growing.

when i first started this blog i had just turned 18, i was living at home, and i was starting cegep. now, i just turned 22, living in my third apartment in as many years, and i'm going to graduate university in a few months. i fell in love and i fell out of love, over and over again. the friends i had when i was 18, the good ones, the real ones, i still have them. and i have new, good friends. they are all amazing. you are all amazing.

this blog peaked in about 2010 when i updated a lot and told people i was updating a lot. and i met some pretty cool people in that way. when i thought i would say goodbye to being on the internet for a little while, you were all so wonderful and sweet so i didn't. and i think i realized that i can't, anyway. if i wanted to stop writing i couldn't. which is why, now, i think, it matters less to me who reads. i love it, of course, if you're reading, but i don't think i'm writing anymore so that people read. i'm just writing.

here we all are. somewhere, in the world. and here i go, starting year five of writing in this little space. i'm not getting sentimental. i mean, whatever.

mont-royal/montreal

hi i'm dr. oscar bluth-wilde

hi i'm dr. oscar bluth-wilde and i'll be taking over this blog for a little while while emily allows herself to continue in a downward spiral by watching charmed every night until 3am.

yes, i just want you to know that i have been taking online classes and i have received my phd in psychology so i am now a doctor. you may call me dr. oscar or just oscar that's ok too. since i am just getting my practice started i am offering for a limited time only free counselling sessions at any time of the day or night as long as i am not napping or eating or playing. i have a very busy day schedule so please keep in touch regularly with my secretary if you want to make an appointment. also if you have any advice questions you want to ask now you can do that in the comment section or in cat, kind of like ask annie only it's ask oscar and i am smarter than annie. she is an idiot.

ok so in celebration of my phd there will be a party on the internet it starts now and ends never. please bring snacks or else you can't come.

this semester i will do everything

MORE COFFEE, LESS SLEEP!

i will do it all: school, work, eating, drinking.

normally i can't do it all. normally i am very slow and require many hours of sleep therefore limiting me to about one activity a day. but, no! this year/semester (starting small) i will be in a constant state of motion. except right now because i'm in the library where there's internet.

anyways, so far my new life is going great. i am not freaking out about 6am wake ups and i haven't cried in like a week! though i might drop a few tears when i buy $300 worth of textbooks for one class.

How To Make The Perfect Sandwich

ingredients:

+ 2 slices of bread

+ cheese (I like to use goat, cheddar, and jarlsberg)

+ tomato

+ onion

+ avocado (optional)

+ balsamic vinegar (optional)

1. Do whatever you do to prepare to fry an egg. For me this means olive oil, a pan, and a stove set to medium-ish heat. On the side somewhere, prepare your sandwich.

2. Fry your egg. Now this is an important part: I like my eggs over-easy with a runny yolk, but in this sandwich you can't have a runny yolk because it'll just be too messy. So I usually let the yolk harden (is that the right term?) so that when I put it in the sandwich and press down it doesn't explode everywhere. I like to put salt, pepper and dried basil leaves on my egg.

(note: I also put chili flakes here because I was feeling dangerous. Also I suck at cracking eggs.)

3. Remove the egg from the pan and place it in your sandwich. I usually put a little bit of balsamic vinegar on the egg now.

4. Grill your sandwich until the cheese melts or you get too hungry.

5. Eat it!

On Groceries

Sometimes when I tell people I spend ~$15 a week on groceries they are very amazed. They think I don't eat anything. False. I never stop eating. I also think grocery shopping is really cheap.

This is a half-guide to grocery shopping. I personally think good grocery shopping is a science/art/something you need to master and I'm just learning. It's also a lot of fun. These are some things I've learned from grocery shopping and some things that I like to buy and some things I look out for when I shop and this is how I spend ~$70 on groceries a month. Also take into account that I'm only shopping for myself and not feeding a family of 5.

+ Fruits and Vegetables Are Cheap

A sandwich at the Concordia cafeteria is between $4 and $7. THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY. Do you know how much a tomato costs me? One tomato costs me $0.31 - $0.53 depending on how big it is.

Fruits and vegetables are really cheap. You can get a lot of broccoli for only 99 cents. Plums can be as little as 18 cents. Three bananas cost me 44 cents. You get the picture.

Buying your food at the grocery store is a billion times cheaper than buying a sandwich. For half of the cost of buying a sandwich at Concordia you can get like 24 slices of bread. Ok I don't know how many slices of bread are in those packages but it's way more than 2.

+ Meat Can Be Cheap Too

Before I started grocery shopping for myself, I thought meat was expensive. And it can be. But it can also be affordable! I like to buy at least one package of meat a week. I get boneless chicken breasts for around $2.50 - $3 and it's enough for 2 meals. Sometimes in the middle of the week I'll get more meat and then the next week I won't have to get any because it'll carry over. I like to spread out my meat eating.

+ Look For Specials

My grocery list is usually incredibly vague, including things like "fruit" "vegetables" "granola bars" "meat" "pasta". This reminds me that I need to get fruits or vegetables or whatever, but leaves it open to what's available in the store. This helps when looking at the specials.

Specials are special. The one thing I always tell myself when looking at things on sale is not to get sucked in. You know that motto "the more you spend, the more you save"? That's not true. THE MORE YOU SPEND THE MORE YOU SPEND. Stick to your grocery list.

Example #1: The other day I had on my list "bars". Since I can no longer afford Kashi bars, I'm looking for the next combination of cheapness/healthiness. The Intermarche that I shop at so conveniently had a special on Kellog's bars for $1.99. And they had way less sodium than Nature Valley. Sold! (later, when I actually ate one, I realized that they're not actually not that filling, but what can you do.) (Kashi bars are like $4.89, wtf. Why is health so expensive.)

Example #2: I wanted to make pizza. I needed some tomato sauce. The Intermarche was having a sale on President's Choice tomato sauces for $1.99. Classico's tomato sauce (which is, admittedly, far superior in taste) is $4.29.

Example #3: Fairmount Bagels has a section titled "yesterday's bagels". Twelve plain fresh bagels are $6.75. I got 15 of "yesterday's bagels" for $4.50. They went straight in my freezer and taste delicious when toasted. WIN.

+ The Expensive Things

You know what's expensive? Cheese. Cheese is fucking expensive. Does anyone know a way around this.

I DO, kind of. There's a place on St. Laurent called La Vieille Europe and they have a section of cheeses on special. Once I saw a sizeable chunk of cheese for $2.50 but I didn't need cheese so I didn't get it. But the next time I buy cheese it'll be $5 or less.

You know what's also expensive? CEREAL. Who knew?! Again, I try and look for specials regarding cereal. I'm not really picky, so I'll go with whatever's on sale if it looks good.

Yummy snacks like Oreos are kind of expensive but sometimes worth it because if you're like me and take a long time to eat anything, you'll have oreos for a long time.

In conclusion, grocery shopping is fun and cheap. Yay! Hardly anything is fun and cheap anymore. I'm still looking for a grocery shopping buddy, by the way.

Ps: here's Laura's guide to shopping in Philadelphia.

Dear Grandma,

Stop doubting my cooking abilities.

Love,

Emily

Things The World Is Trying To Convincing Me Of

+ I have breast cancer

+ I have brain cancer

+ My body is eating me from the inside out

+ I don't exist

+ I will never complete a full to-do list

+ I need therapy

+ I need to eat healthier

+ I need to exercise more

+ My breasts are going to be saggy

+ Getting old is the apocalypse

+ 25 is old

+ I need to grow up

+ University is a waste of time (why does the world convince me of this?)

+ University will get me a job

+ We're all going to die in 2012

+ Everything is going to be fine

+ Mo' money, mo' problems

+ My plane is going to be hijacked

+ I need to have children

+ There are too many children

+ I need to be more cultured

+ I need more money

+ STOP PANICKING

+ I need to panic

+ I can be anything even superman

+ Good things come to those who wait

+ Seize the day

+ I don't know enough

+ I'm lazy

+ I know too much

+ I don't read enough

+ I'm going to get cancer from smoking, second-hand smoke, using my cell phone to call people, microwaves, hair dye, x- rays, asbestos, bottled water, chips, genes, deodorant, chinese food, coffee, sunblock, bleach, orange juice, pesticides, low cholesterol, everything on this list, stress, obesity, white bread, cookies, crackers, everything yummy, alcohol, artificial flavours, being a woman, being a man, bubble baths, fake nails, lipstick, menstruating, pizza, redbull, tattoos, sex, shaving, third-hand smoke, everything in the whole world except tomatoes and the sun

+ Technology is evil

+ Technology is the best thing ever

+ I should live in the woods

+ We're all the same

+ I'm a unique and special snowflake

+ I'm depressed

+ I have ADD

+ I'm schizophrenic

+ I'm bipolar

+ I'm OCD

+ I have an anxiety disorder

+ I need to be a STRONG POWERFUL INDEPENDENT WOMAN

+ I need 5 jobs

+ Wikipedia is not a valid source of information

+ Everyone is scared so shutup

+ Nikki needs a chandelier

+ There are spies among us

+ Spiders won't eat me in my sleep

+ I need to be famous to accomplish things

+ I need to love more

+ I need to love less

+ I have SARS

+ I'm going to hell

+ Hell is not a real place

+ There's an app for that

+ I need to be kinder

+ I need to be more patient

+ I need to do things for myself

+ Shakespeare was the greatest writer of all time

+ I need to stop being so hard on myself

+ People care

+ No one cares

+ The answer is somewhere else

+ I need to follow my heart

+ I need to listen to my brain

+ The arts are a waste of time

+ I need to recycle more

+ I need to learn how to drive

+ I need to drink more water

+ I need a crutch

+ Drugs are bad

+ I'm stupid

+ I'm smarter than you

+ I need to leave my house

+ There is no cure

+ There is a God

+ There is no God

+ CLEAN ALL THE THINGS

+ I NEED MORE MONEY

+ I NEED MORE EXPERIENCE

+ I NEED MORE CULTURE

+ I NEED MORE THINGS

+ I NEED LESS THINGS

+ I NEED A TOOLBOX

+ I NEED TO TRAVEL

+ I NEED TO HAVE FUN

+ I NEED TO CALM DOWN

+ I'M ABNORMAL

+ I'M NORMAL

+ MONEY

+ SEIZE THE DAY

+ TRAVEL

+ MONEY

+ JOBS

+ INDEPENDENCE

+ MONEY

+ NO SLEEP

+ SEIZE THE DAY

+ MONEY

+ ORGANIZE

+ SETTLE

+ CLEAN ALL THE THINGS

+ MONEY

+ MENTAL DISORDERS

+ DISEASES

+ GOVERNMENT

+ EQUALITY

+ MONEY

+ POWER

+ FAME

+ CLEAN ALL THE THINGS

+ EXTINCTION

+ POTATOES

+ DIY

ETC. FOREVER AND EVER OMG

the future is so bright let me go put on some sunglasses

hello life suddenly got so good.

integrative seminar = worst part is over.

my job is to watch music videos and pick good ones.

in march i am going to philadelphia and new york.

i'm eating pull n' peel.

look at freja beha isn't she pretty

i don't really have much else to say because i've been busy this week so i haven't written anything

i wish i had long legs like freja

have a really good weekend, people

Tomorrow Never Knows What It Doesn't Know Too Soon

Today is the last day of 2009. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely new decade. I don't know what to think. I guess a lot of people are doing year end reviews and whatever. I don't really have the energy to do that because I can't remember things because I'm old now. Jk! Next year I turn 20, so this is my last year as a teenager. Kind of a scary thought.

Yesterday I was going over in my mind every month of 2009 to think of eventful .. events and I couldn't remember what I did for march break. I did nothing.

Significant events of 2009 in chronological order: meeting katrina, losing the hockey finals, working for autostraddle, getting a "real" job, going to new york for the autostraddle rodeo disco, going to new york for the second time, quitting hockey, being back at school and being happy, going to dc for the march on washington.

It's unlikely that I will ever link to the first 3 months of this blog ever again.

Significant events that I expect will occur in 2010:

January 8-13: NYC

January 11: it will be this blog's 1 year anniversary. weird, huh?

January 17: T&S concert

January 20: back to school ("significant"?)

Everything after that is up in the air. I expect to receive a letter or something from UBC either accepting or rejecting my application and from there I guess I'll have to make some decisions. I want to move into an apartment in the spring/summer. I want to make more trips to NY. I want to still have a job to pay for said trips. Maybe I'll go to Europe. Maybe I'll be in love. I don't know what's going to happen. It's kind of exciting. Hopefully my friends still like me in 2010. Maybe some a really good movie will come out. Maybe a really good book will come out, though I feel that's unlikely. Maybe I'll write a really good book.

Anyways. 2009 was a pretty good year and 2010 looks pretty good too. I mean, I think I'm finally growing up, or whatever. And I'm glad I spent 2009 with the people I did. Because I love love. And disobeying everything my eighth grade teacher taught me about starting sentences with "and", "but", and "because". (I'm JKing about that. Grammar lesson to follow in 2010). Happy New Year!

Life is Full Of Wonder, Love is Never Wrong

Portia on Ellen 03.16.09

Who wins?

Human beings, everywhere.

LIFE IS FULL OF WONDER
LOVE IS NEVER WRONG

How to Succeed in Two Easy Steps

School is fast approaching. It is, it is. I'm sort of excited because once school starts it means it's that much closer to being finished which means that I can once again spend the summer attempting to get employed or else live in solitude and get fat. I'm also not excited about school for the main reason that I won't sleep for the next three months, I'm not joking, the insomnia has already started. School stresses me out. My hair is weird today, it's doing this curly thing at the back I don't like.

Anyways, I'm totes ready to get out of CEGEP and go to university. I'm planning ahead, I want to succeed. I realized that if I applied to university for the fall semester I wouldn't get in with my marks, which is a kind of unpleasant, unwelcome thought, and has thus spurned me with a desire to get! good! grades! this semester. I mean, I always want to get good grades, but more than usual this time, really. This is like a new years resolution which will probably go out the window the second I have to wake up at 6 am to catch a bus full of sweaty suits and sit through classes trying to pay attention and eat at the same time and if it's Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday then I'll be at practice thus exerting more energy that by the time I get home it's hard to lift a fork to shovel food in my mouth let alone open a textbook and use my brain which has probs turned into mashed potatos. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am going to fail life. JK that's not what this blog is about. This post is supposed to be about how I'm going to succeed this semester. I will! get! good! grades! because my life depends on it and if that's not a hot rod up the ass then I don't know what is, besides maybe an actual burning stick of iron.

First of all, I'm writing this is so that I know I at least thought about succeeding and considered my future. Originally I had planned on writing five ways I would succeed this semester, except I can only think of two things which just goes to show how prepared I am. Though I figure doing shit like this is how I'm going to begin to not fail at life, you know? Unless I get distracted trying to write blog posts when I should be doing homework, then this will just be a big fail, like um, this blubber seal thing.

1. Positive Attitude

Uh.. lame. But seriously, how can I get through a semester and get! good! grades! without a positive attitude? I know if I don't want to work, then I won't. Therefore, I must always want to work, and I will always want to work if I'm motivated and I get the feeling that I CAN DO IT. You know what I should do? I should watch this before doing homework, besides helping me procrastinate, it inspires me to take over the world. yeswecanyeswecanyeswecanyeswecan!!!

2. Not Procrastinate

This is obviously the hardest thing ever, it's going to be my downfall, my reason for not getting enough sleep and for failing and then failing some more.

How to "not procrastinate"? I have no clue. Tips, anyone? Hints? I have never not procrastinated. Maybe I should like, do my homework at school during breaks instead of sleeping. This is hard, especially since my brain has problems functioning at all hours of the day except from 11:55 am to 12:00 pm* which is a really small window, and checking my schedule, I only have a break at that time on Monday's which effectively rules out doing things properly since it takes me five minutes to get to the library anyway.

The only third thing I can think of to help me succeed is to actually do my work, but I figure that's pretty obvious and redundant. Clearly I don't know anything about being organized, I just wing it half the time and go with the flow. Maybe success is one of those "make it up as you go along" things, like this blog.

So yeah, that's how to fail -- I mean -- succeed. For the low, low price of $20 I will share my three other secrets to success, guaranteed to work so I won't need to give you your money back. Batteries not included.


*Just kidding, I don't actually know when my brain functions properly, probably never.

"All of the things that go to make heaven and earth are here.
All of the things that go to make heaven and this.
Success was survival and kid, it still is."
- The New Pornographers "All of the Things That go to Make Heaven and Earth"