Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Easy Forgetting

"You never could have imagined
back then with the waves crashing
what the body could erase."
- Stephen Dunn "The Vanishings"

I stumbled out of a bar to a street I know too well. My shoes fell in dirt, a block of concrete removed to make room for a tree. I leaned against the tree, my head falling back in laughter. I'm so inebriated that I cannot see three feet in front of me. I want a cigarette to warm the tips of my fingers and in my circle of friends we create clouds that roll up to the sky and disappear. I hope she kisses me tonight.

We hang on to each other for support, because it's so funny I can't stand. I could swear we are moving in slow motion. Each laugh is like a howl, our heads thrown back calling to the moon. The ground doesn't hurt, nor do scrapes on my knee, ripped jeans. Stephen Dunn said too much doesn't hurt anymore.

She kisses me on the cheek, like I once saw her do in a picture with someone else. My stomach aches.

Our foreheads are pressed together. My hair sticks to my forehead. My mouth... The air is warmer between us. I have wanted this for so long.

I can see the freckles on her nose. I can see the flecks of green in her eyes. I can see each individual eyelash, closely stuck together, and the delicate skin on her eyelid when she blinks in slow motion. I smile into her mouth.

I can feel her sigh escape into the night.

Each breath is hot and I can see our breath hovering in the cold air. I kiss the edges of her smile and behind us the chaos of kids laughing and falling becomes haze and muffled noise. For one night I am in love and it ends too soon. She escapes into the night.

One day it will vanish, he said, how you felt when you were overwhelmed by her. Hurt, he said, how could you have forgotten? hurts.

8 comments:

laura said...

'yes' is the new 'this'.

Anonymous said...

i like

diana said...

two things that will always make me swoon are freckles and green eyes. this was awesome. i missed your short stories.

Rebekah said...

"We hang on to each other for support, because it's so funny I can't stand. I could swear we are moving in slow motion. Each laugh is like a howl, our heads thrown back calling to the moon."

Love this. I wish I could just bring you to my creative writing class as an example of things done right. Sad and lovely and everything between.

lethe said...

I just found your blog and read everything in your archives. Hope that's not too terribly stalkerish.

Anonymous said...

I am attracted to your writing. Serious intelligence crushing going on.

I have been floundering in thinking of ways to properly introduce myself, or to make myself known, or whatever. So like a bad horoscope I will say, seize the upcoming opportunities to diversify your friend portfolio. Because I see a lot of my feelings in your writing, your exquisite writing, and it's been a long time since I've been emotionally awake. Is that possible, for your emotions to sleep? To feel nothing at all.

Perhaps just the notion of emptiness, or of going through the motions.

saint modesto said...

laura: 'yes'.

anonymous: thank

diana: i bet you like harry potter. he doesn't really have freckles, i don't know what i'm saying.

rebekah: maybe i should have used this story in my workshop instead of the other one i used which was maybe too weird for normal people.

lethe: it is not at all. i hope you liked them.

anonymous: i'm half expecting someone to approach me on the street and ask to be my friend. should i be expecting that?

lethe said...

I did very much. And if I lived anywhere near where you are I might try to beat anon to the punch and actually go stalkerish to introduce myself.