The Hairline Receding

Jude Law

Steve Carell

Vince Vaughn

The (balding) ROCK

(ok i know this is computer animated but still. it's based on real life.)

I see your hairline receding, Wayne Rooney

Chris Martin

Bruce Willis

Kevin James

Jon Bon Jovi

Will Arnett

Nicolas Cage

Ryan Reynolds

Michael Vartan (of Alias fame)

Britney Spears

Seann William Scott

Matthew McConaughey

Bradley Cooper (who was also in Alias, just sayin')

i miss you. i miss you in a magnetic way.

monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday. repeat. repeat. repeat.

bang bang bang.

i woke up yesterday on the couch. i cried. i drank half my tea. i biked with no purpose, no direction. just kidding i didn't bike anywhere.

i miss you. i miss you in a magnetic way. as i am typing this, as you are reading this, i miss you. like this. in this way.

++

i have to write a blog post. ok so these are possible blog posts i could make

a) pictures i took in august/winter/last week

b) a poem about food/crying in the kitchen/pictures

c) i could talk about how much i like laura and want her to come back to montreal rightnow

d) i could talk about how much i like laura and want her to come back to montreal rightnow without actually talking about laura or montreal

e) i could continue to make pointless lists

perhaps i will write a blog post about silly bands. yes i will do that. here we go.

++

have you heard of silly bandz? silly bandz are rubber band thingies that come in different shapes. they are bracelets. some of them glow in the dark. you buy a pack of themed silly bandz. for example, i have a pack of "vehicle" silly bandz. my pack includes firetrucks, police cars, airplanes, tanks, and helicopters. mine glow in the dark.

apparently kidz are going wild for silly bandz. i know i am. laura bought me my vehicle pack. she looked for them for 2 and a half weeks because they were sold out everywhere. then we traded. now i have a cowboy boot and a cactus (she had a western pack). i gave katie a tank and something else i can't remember. i don't want to speak for her but i'm going to go out on a limb and say that she loves them very much and can't stop talking about them.

i keep reading articles that say silly bandz are for children but that is just stupid. people of all ages and all 23904982343 genders can enjoy them. i can't find my vehicle pack on the silly bandz website. maybe that means they're rare or fake. i don't think you can buy silly bandz in canada yet but clearly i am about to start a trend with this blog post. maybe silly bandz ships to canada. maybe laura will buy me a pack (hint: zoo or fantasy) and mail them. i need someone in montreal to trade with me.

i hope i have educated you about something important today.

I've Been Distracted

the future is so bright let me go put on some sunglasses

hello life suddenly got so good.

integrative seminar = worst part is over.

my job is to watch music videos and pick good ones.

in march i am going to philadelphia and new york.

i'm eating pull n' peel.

look at freja beha isn't she pretty

i don't really have much else to say because i've been busy this week so i haven't written anything

i wish i had long legs like freja

have a really good weekend, people

Sweet-Ass Lyrics and Lines Pt. 2: I'll Bring Home the Turkey

Sweet-ass lyrics and lines continued!

Also: Autostraddle made you a Valentine's day mixtape which includes anti-Valentine's day songs if you hate everything. I made some picks so go check it out!

Okkervil River - Bruce Wayne Campbell Interviewed on the Roof of the Chelsea Hotel, 1979

"..till he forgets the crawling way real people sometimes are."

Pink Floyd - Time

"and you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. racing around, to come up behind you again."

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue

"autumn's sweet, we call it fall, i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl."

Rilo Kiley - A Better Son/Daughter

"and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on."

Rise Against - Life Less Frightening

"i don't ask for much, truth be told i'd settle for a life less frightening."

Rogue Wave - Cheaper Than Therapy

"i wish i was too young to taste the time tripped over and over again."

The Shins - Australia

"i felt like i could just fly, but nothing happened every time i tried."

The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

"despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage."

The Smiths - How Soon is Now?

"i am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else."

Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead

"when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

(because it's too hard to chose anything else)

Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer

"the truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

Tegan and Sara - So Jealous

"there i am in the morning, i don't like what i see."

(chosen arbitrarily, or else i would just have to put every line ever)

U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own

"it's you when i look in the mirror and it's you when i don't pick up the phone."

The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

"the sidewalks are watching me think about you."

Weezer - El Scorcho

"i'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon."

and just for the record because it's one of the greatest lines ever in the whole world

Bright Eyes - Saturday as Usual

"i can't see the point of patient love when everyone just wants to get fucked."

Team Picks - From the Autostraddle Archives!

At Autostraddle we have something called 'Team Picks'. Basically if someone on the team finds something cool on the internet that doesn't apply to a daily fix or isn't big enough to be an article/feature, they put it as their pick. Team Picks are one of my favourite things on Autostraddle, so I went back through the archives and picked some cool old ones!

++

Alex's Team Pick - September 23, 2009

What would happen if we printed the internet?

Jess's Team Pick - October 8, 2009

Time-lapse video on how beauty is made.

Laura's Team Pick - October 19, 2009

"Does anyone know how to knit? 'Cause this little baby is all I want for Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving." I LOVE THIS ONE I literally spit all over my screen laughing about this.

Lily's Team Pick - November 9, 2009

People of Walmart! Sidenote I remember spending a lot of time looking at this?

Emily's Team Pick - November 15, 2009

People doing the same thing/looking the same in NY.

Laura's Team Pick - November 26, 2009

Poems about onion bagels.

Emily's Team Pick - December 1, 2009

A vicious polar bear attack. (it's worth clicking on this one).

Riese's Team Pick - December 11, 2009

If you don't "get" Lady Gaga.

Alex's Team Pick - February 1, 2010

Rare photos of famous people. - Really cool.

++

Okay, I think that's enough shit for you to click on/waste time! All the Team Picks can be seen here. There are a zillion more awesome ones waiting to be rediscovered!

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To

Hello! On Wednesday I posted a bunch of lists about things. Today I'm going to continue that trend with one special list: 3290902 Reasons Why I Am Awesome. It's true that this list could make me sound really pretentious and stuck up but I have justifications, I swear. Firstly, if you know me personally I think you'll know that I'm a pretty modest person. I'm also honest. I think it's important to be honest with yourself, that's why I'm making this list. Also if you're Brooke Levin, you probably approve of this. Secondly, it's my birthday. Therefore, I deserve to feel good about myself. Notice I haven't made a list of my flaws. You can read that list at the shoreline receding.

Reasons Why I Am Awesome

1. I have feelings and lots of them.

2. I can write relatively well. I write poetry and short stories and this blog and sometimes I write for Autostraddle.

3. Also I work for Autostraddle. I should just end the list here (but I won't).

4. I play the guitar kinda okay ish and I write bad songs. But points for trying, right?

5. I can also play the bass and drums and keyboard kinda okay ish.

6. I take pictures.

7. I have good taste in music. Srsly.

8. I like to travel. Traveling is fun. It also makes me cool.

9. I'm a good friend (I think/hope?). I love them, anyway.

10. Even though it scares me I do it anyway. Cause I seize the day. Most days.

11. I'm funny.

12. I have an open mind.

13. I can use a computer. You might be like "obvs" at this one, but srsly some people are just slower than others. Don't judge them.

14. I'm kinda cute/I have a nice ass. OK NOW THIS TIME IT'S NOT ME TALKING, I have multiple sources that tell me I have a nice ass. So there.

15. I have fucking nice teeth.

16. I'm smart. I also have justification for this statement, read:

"i think emily choo is a very bright, 'poetically inclined' girl who pays attention to everything and knows almost everything (the point of stuff, how to read, how beautiful things feel, how scary things feel, etc) but doesn't believe/accept/realize yet that she knows almost everything. it's actually better that way because she'll keep wanting to know more stuff. i think of emily choo as a "girl we like" and i "feel she is kickass" and that she "has a name that sounds cool so we like to say it as much as possible." and "i feel personally i would be sad if emily choo was really sad." i also 'feel like i am stoned right now' and 'probably talking crazy' while 'consciously writing in a style reminiscent of the Great Tao Lin'"

- marie lyn bernard

Probs the greatest compliment I've ever gotten from someone stoned. Also if you won't listen to me maybe you'll listen to her, but you should listen to me anyway because I know almost everything.

So yeah, I think that's it. Clearly you can see I'm almost perfect. Single ladies you better put a ring on it.

Auto-Whhaat?! The Revolution is Here!

Hi! I'm back from New York! Do you guys like Tegan and Sara? Good! Listen to this while I write about this, the most amazing thing to happen to planet earth and the universe and the stars. Here's a picture:


Maybe some of you don't know this but I'm interning for Autostraddle and we had a big party this weekend with a mechanical bull. For serious. Anyways, more about that will come when I recover. Goodnight! I love you!

it's taking me a long time this time

from achtung baby!

christie dupree

Life is Full Of Wonder, Love is Never Wrong

Portia on Ellen 03.16.09

Who wins?

Human beings, everywhere.

LIFE IS FULL OF WONDER
LOVE IS NEVER WRONG

Hot Tramp, I Love You So

Got your mother in a whirl...

She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl..

Hey babe, your hair's alright..

Hey babe, let's go out tonight...


Rebel, rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel, rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel, rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

I promise you this blog will get stranger.