Greenland is Projected As A Giant Land Mass But In Reality It Is Not

Laurrrrita Wooley Mammoth showed this to me when she was in Montreal.

This is a map of the world. Did you know there are more than one different projections of maps? I did not, which was probably naive of me. Forgive me for thinking that map making might be objective/accurate.

The photo above is a mercator map. You might recognize this type of map as seen in all your classrooms, my bedroom which probably never been in, textbooks, etc. It has its uses. It's good for navigating the seas. It shows the shapes of countries accurately. But it also distorts the size of countries the farther away from the equator they are. For example, in this map, Greenland is almost as big as Africa, when in reality Africa is 14 times larger than Greenland. The problem with the mercator projection is that it tends to make the West seem a lot larger than it is. Does this sound like some sort of familiar colonialist rhetoric?

This is the Gall-Peters projection.

If you notice in this map, Greenland is tiny, and Africa is HUGE. China is HUGE. Brazil is HUGEish. And Europe, and Canada, and the United States got a little smaller.

This is apparently what the actual size of countries are. I don't know. (I'm finding it a lot harder to trust map-makers now). It's likely that I'll never know unless I find a way to go into space and position my rocket in a way so I can compare the size of different countries. The problem is that you can't show both shape and size accurately. You have to pick one.

Now this is a site you want to read. I'm serious. It's well worth your time.

Okay so the picture I wanted to show you doesn't work because my background is black. But here it is.

Greenland is 0.8 million square miles. China is 3.7 million square miles.

Go. Go read this right now. Have your world view changed.

Where Are My Keys I Lost My Brain

Do you want to hear a funny story? I'm sure you do. Today I had a Very Important Exam and I forgot a few things at home:

1. a pen

2. the keys to my house

3. my brain

Fortunately I managed to get a pen but not the 2 other things. That's okay because I have tonight to stave off insanity before the next Very Important Exam.

Today I wanted to talk to you about WINTER but I totally forgot everything I wanted to write about a few days ago and haven't been able to remember since. So I'm sorry I have the mental capacity of a fetus. There are so many hipster photos of the desolation of winter on tumblr, you can just go look there.

Anyways, I'm just going to tell you a few things, in a addition to the few things I told you last week.

1. there are 222 unread items in my google reader

2. what should i eat for dinner?

Alright, so there's not much going on in my head that doesn't have to do with school. Look, here's a graph I made about my brain.

I sure hope that that's mathematically accurate as I am one of those people who are mathematically challenged ("I crack jokes now and then, but it's only because I struggle with math" - Tina Fey).

But seriously? The end of this semester is kind of making me sad. See, even though I didn't really like this semester, I really liked this semester. I think I didn't like this semester because I was really sad for half of it. But once things started to pick up, I really enjoyed my classes. Except for the Canadian Law one which makes me want to BLOW MY BRAINS OUT (though I still think it's a really important class to take and therefore am proud of myself for sticking it out and simultaneously disappointed in myself for forgetting s.10 of the Charter on my VIE today). And even though Concordia's library is not as cozy and comfy and beautiful as Dawson's, I've still come to appreciate it for its weird sections and stairs that make me out of breath, even if right now there are too many people and not enough chairs and desks.

Basically I am not ready for this semester to be over (I am kind of ready for exams to be over, though) (I would like to learn things and not have to prove that I've learned them). I am, however, really excited to read things that I want to read and watch movies that I want to watch! So far I have ~2.5 weeks of break to read:

1. Veronica by Mary Gaitskill

2. Inferno by Eileen Myles

3. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami

and 2.5 weeks of break to watch:

1. the episodes of 30 rock I've missed

2. Last Train Home

3. Trembling Before God

and anything else that might come up.

Also I'm going to England the 22nd of December with possibly no internet which might be the most freeing thing in the world. Not that I don't love you, internet, but sometimes you are just so overwhelming and clingy. I'm coming back though, don't worry.

Identity Crisis

I've never seen myself as particularly "Western" before, but that's because I live in The West. I identify as a Canadian partially as a reaction to the things surrounding me that are Not Canadian, like the United States. I notice my "Chineseness" because of all the Non-Chinese people around me. And I identify as gay, or queer, because of the "divide" between queers and straights. If there was no such thing as heterosexuality I wouldn't need to identify as queer at all. I would just be. Even though I'm Chinese, I'm also mostly Canadian, or Western, or North American. I wouldn't fit in in China at all!

That's sort of how I feel about living in the West. Prior to this semester I had never taken any courses that taught me anything about places further east than Europe. Africa was just this one chunk of land that was full of starving black people and South Africa had some white people. "South Africa" could basically have referred to the lower half of Africa.

But now I'm learning things about The East and it makes me feel really self-conscious of my North American Status. I've never felt that before because I don't feel like I'm an embodiment of "capitalism", but I guess I probably am. It's really hard to talk about things that are not Euro-centric without bringing in my own presuppositions and attitudes and I feel like I'm interfering in something that isn't mine. I feel like Stuff White People Like: Being an Expert on YOUR culture. Like, look at me, some North American with enough money to go to university and listen to another North American talk about Asia.

I think I feel weird about this because I've never been a "majority" before. I can't look at myself the same way anymore. I can't ask the same questions anymore. I don't wish that I was Eastern. I wish that being labeled as "something" wasn't so important. I wish that I didn't have to feel "American" and that democracy is the best and everyone should have democracy. I feel weird about having "power" but also I don't feel like I have power. I don't know. This probably stopped making sense a long time ago. I'm having an identity crisis, I'll get back to you on my feelings later.

Turning Loneliness Into Happiness: Another Memo To Myself

Learn how to make something:

food, a shoe box, a good day.

Remember, finally, there are few pleasures

that aren't as local as your fingertips.

Never go to Europe for a cathedral.

In large groups, create a corner

in the middle of the room.

- Stephen Dunn "How to be Happy: Another Memo to Myself"

First, watch this video.

Have you watched it yet? This is probably much better advice than I'm about to give you. It might also be kind of the same, but mine is probably for people who are not already perfect.

What's happening is this: Laura is going to Spain really soon. I am moving out of my parent's house. I am starting a new school in a program with people that I don't know. All my habits are about to change and that's kind of scary because there will be no more shared Alias watching, no more old comforts. Now I will have to find new comforts.

What I mean is this: I'm anticipating a period of loneliness in my life. It could spiral out of control and my life could become a mess as I struggle to deal with all the feelings (ALL THE FEELINGS!) happening all at once, or I could learn "how to be alone".

I expect that you, reader, are also going to experience at least one period of loneliness in the next 5 months, because you are (probably) a human and we are all lonely sometimes. Even Jennifer Beals is lonely sometimes. This is how I imagine my particular loneliness: it starts in my stomach, small, and then works its way up to squeezing my heart so hard that I think my heart must stop beating soon, only it doesn't. It's the opposite of the feeling of hugging your dad when you were 6 and he was superman because he could lift up your bike.

I have a plan to stave off my own loneliness for the winter. I have no idea if it will work. This plan has been formatted to fit me (tv screen). Maybe you can learn something from it, maybe you can help me stay afloat, maybe you will think I'm crazy. I expect that the next 5 months will take a superior mental effort to get through, or at least the first 1-3, and then maybe the next ones will sort of roll along. I don't plan on going through the motions. I plan on fully living my life with expected periods of stress and loneliness and feelings of wanting to go "home" even though "home" is a concept not a place. The point is to contain those periods so I don't spiral out of control into a fit of depression.

Joseph Addison said the grand essentials to happiness are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. I feel like this is some of the best advice ever and if I find all these things, however small, my plan will succeed. Then in January I can collapse or find a new plan. Like how cell phones work.

This is what I have so far via Joseph Addison:

Something to do: I'm moving and starting school and looking for a new job. It's taking up all my time.

Something to love: we'll get back to that (maybe).

Something to hope for: I'm going to interpret this as "something to look forward to" or "something you hope to achieve in the future". My aunt from Berkeley is coming September 19th. I'm superexcited and I feel like when she comes all my problems will be solved. Basically by September 19th I want to be "settled in" to my "new life".

In a slight tangent, I feel like this is a little bit like The Sims. Remember that game? Either way, it's not a hard concept to grasp. Each Sim has desires and needs and you have to fill them.

Sims need to eat, sit, shower, pee, sleep, have fun, have friends, and enjoy their living space. Make sure all those things are green and your Sim is happy ("happy").

Here is my plan for being the happiest person I can be this fall/early winter in between finding things to hope for.

1. Denial/Thinking Positive/Letting Go

A small part of me wants to see if I can trick myself into actually being in denial that Laura is in Spain for 5 months. The idea is that if I deny it long enough, by the time I'm ready to accept the fact, she might be back on this continent already and I'll be like "oh, that was fast. I hadn't realized you'd left."

Realistically, that is not going to happen. Thus I have to use a combination of denial and "acceptance" to overcome this particular obstacle.

What is the difference between denial and thinking positively? Probably to a psychologist there is a big difference, but to me, they kind of seem the same sometimes. See, thinking positive is just the opposite of feeling those dark feelings. For example, I could be thinking of all the things I'm going to miss when Laura goes away. There are a lot of things, and the idea makes me cry for serious. My plan is to live in complete and total denial of those feelings and force myself to think of little things I am excited to do (see: #6 something to hope for). Maybe it's a dumb idea to pretend that I don't feel lonely when I am, but you know what? I don't want to be lonely. I will tell myself that I'm happy until I'm actually happy. I will use all the psychological force in the world to make myself happy. It's not a life plan but until things change that's what I have to do.

2. Listen to Irrelevant Music

Music touches a sensitive chord with a lot of people. When I'm lonely all I want to do is be alone and listen to sad music. Obviously this is part of the downward spiral.

WHAT I RECOMMEND:

+ Every disney song I can possibly think of (I have been listening to "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid on repeat for the past 3 days)

+ Lady Gaga (not that she's irrelevant, just that I don't want to cry every time I listen to her)

+ Phoenix

+ some Tegan and Sara

+ most stuff that comes on shuffle

WHAT I AVOID:

+ Bon Iver ("Good Winter"?? Justin Vernon was shut up alone in a cabin in the middle of winter for 3 months writing these songs. These songs were MADE for lonely winters/cold weather/feeling like dying)

+ Iron & Wine

+ most Bright Eyes songs

+ some Death Cab for Cutie

+ "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan

3. Compartmentalize Your Crying

I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry at least once, most likely 10 or more times, in the next few months. Crying is kinda tricky though, 'cause there's good crying and bad crying. Good crying feels good. It's like a weight off your shoulders. Bad crying feels like choking and despair and a downward spiral. Bad crying is crying for no reason.

My advice to myself: It's okay to cry over spilled milk, I think. Let's be real -- "spilling milk" sucks, especially when it's all the milk you had and the grocery store is closed. Can you cry and clean up at the same time? 'Cause then you're okay. I mean, maybe not, 'cause you have no milk. But you must recognize that life goes on.

Also, think about crying with someone rational or else you might take a sudden dive and start crying because your best friend in the 3rd grade called you chubby. It's easy to start crying about something small but then end up because of everything in the whole entire world. It's important to avoid this because it doesn't work with #1 and will probably make you want to listen to the music on your AVOID list.

4. Find Something To Do

This is like that Sims thing. Make sure you eat and pee and sleep. Make sure you have fun! Make sure you see your friends. Do all the things you would make your Sim do, except do them faster. Try to not be bored as often as possible. Distract yourself because then it'll be easier to be in denial about your loneliness. I like to make to-do lists. Currently my list is full of things like "buy a new razor" which I've had there for over a month. I accomplish more pressing things faster. Try something new! Since I'll be living on my own for the first time ever, I have to make all my own meals so I'll be trying a lot of new recipes and experimenting in cooking. If that's too boring for you, join the fencing club. Do your homework.

Avoid being alone. Even if you want to, but especially if you want to. Sometimes when I'm lonely I lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling and if I lie there long enough I begin to trick myself into thinking I don't exist. This is kind of a scary thought. The way to fix this is make contact with the outside world. I don't think it means you have to go out with 20 people for 5 hours. Hang out with one friend for half an hour. Invite them to your house and keep your pyjamas on. If even that's too much, go to the store and ask the employees some questions about whatever it is they're selling. Wear your pyjamas if it makes you feel better. As long as you make a connection with someone. It doesn't have to be a lasting one. Just make sure you still exist. Okay?

5. Something To Like

I'm not entirely sure what Joseph Addison means by "something to love". Does he mean find a person to love? 'Cause that's something that could take, literally, a lifetime. Does he mean a hobby? 'Cause that's kind of like "something to do".

I'm going to assume he means find something that you like more than other things. Sometimes I have to do things that I don't want to do and that would be filed under "something to do" and not "something to love".

Finding something to love sounds to me like finding a serious passion that you might want to pursue as a career or something and I don't think I'm ready to declare that yet, so I'm sticking with something to like. I like to read and take pictures and play the guitar so I'm going to try and do those things in my spare time.

I think the point is to not get caught up with work/school/stress. Do something for you.

6. Something To Hope For

Living in the present is good because we should appreciate the things we have, except sometimes there are shitty days. On those days, we should remember that there's always tomorrow.

Like I said before, I'm really excited for my aunt to visit on Sept. 19th. And after that, I'm not so sure, but I assume there will be something to look forward to. Probably the Phoenix concert in October. November is for some reason considered the month of depression, but it's also the month of my birthday, so there must be something good happening there. And then, you know, we'll see. The most important thing to know is that even if you're lonely now, you will not always be lonely. I won't promise a lot of things, but I will promise you that. There's always something to live for.

"Sometimes you're flush, and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you think you'll never be up again. But life goes on."

- Blow

++

"Why do the stars shine?"

"The stars shine so we can locate each other when we're far away. So I can see, 'I see the big dipper,' and you can say, 'yes, I see it too.'"

Tomorrow Never Knows What It Doesn't Know Too Soon

Today is the last day of 2009. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely new decade. I don't know what to think. I guess a lot of people are doing year end reviews and whatever. I don't really have the energy to do that because I can't remember things because I'm old now. Jk! Next year I turn 20, so this is my last year as a teenager. Kind of a scary thought.

Yesterday I was going over in my mind every month of 2009 to think of eventful .. events and I couldn't remember what I did for march break. I did nothing.

Significant events of 2009 in chronological order: meeting katrina, losing the hockey finals, working for autostraddle, getting a "real" job, going to new york for the autostraddle rodeo disco, going to new york for the second time, quitting hockey, being back at school and being happy, going to dc for the march on washington.

It's unlikely that I will ever link to the first 3 months of this blog ever again.

Significant events that I expect will occur in 2010:

January 8-13: NYC

January 11: it will be this blog's 1 year anniversary. weird, huh?

January 17: T&S concert

January 20: back to school ("significant"?)

Everything after that is up in the air. I expect to receive a letter or something from UBC either accepting or rejecting my application and from there I guess I'll have to make some decisions. I want to move into an apartment in the spring/summer. I want to make more trips to NY. I want to still have a job to pay for said trips. Maybe I'll go to Europe. Maybe I'll be in love. I don't know what's going to happen. It's kind of exciting. Hopefully my friends still like me in 2010. Maybe some a really good movie will come out. Maybe a really good book will come out, though I feel that's unlikely. Maybe I'll write a really good book.

Anyways. 2009 was a pretty good year and 2010 looks pretty good too. I mean, I think I'm finally growing up, or whatever. And I'm glad I spent 2009 with the people I did. Because I love love. And disobeying everything my eighth grade teacher taught me about starting sentences with "and", "but", and "because". (I'm JKing about that. Grammar lesson to follow in 2010). Happy New Year!

Across the Universe

Traveling is one of my passions. I was on a plane before I knew how to walk, I hope I didn't cry on the planes, I know how annoying that is. I wonder if planes were as unpleasant then as they are now? Probably. Except now they have these tv things on the seat in front of you and you can check in online or at a self check in booth to save time because time is money and since no one has money or time, I guess these additions are in fact a great stress reliever and an advancement in technology. Although they don't stop the planes from being delayed or do something about the recycled air in a pressurized cabin or turbulence which scares the holy hell out of me, sometimes I have inner panic attacks when it's really bad. I'm not complaining about planes though, seriously, in the grand scheme of things they're quite helpful, imagine having to row a boat across the atlantic? Or riding a donkey to Vancouver? Five hours on a plane is not as bad as say, 3 months to get to the same place.

Anyways, what I was saying is that traveling is a very rewarding experience. I'm infinitely glad I've had the opportunity to visit other countries, I feel priviledged and cultured. There are still loads of places I'd like to see, here are some of them.

Germany/Poland

Yes, I know these are two separate countries. But they're right next to each other so I figure I can kill two birds with one stone, yeah? Yeah. What attracts me to these two countries is the WW2 history, I'd really like to see Auschwitz, in a totes non-creepy I'm-interested-in-history kind of way. There's also things like Oktoberfest in Germany which, you know, is fun when you bring some friends. Also In grade 7 I read a book about this boy in Poland, his name was Jan.

Australia

It has been a dream of mine to visit Australia some day. In grade 8 I went around at recess and lunch and asked people to donate their change so I could go to Australia, I probably made about 10 dollars! I wanted to go so badly I even looked up flight info online, it cost $4000 for one person, I was like, "I can totally (not) do this!" I didn't think about coming back, I didn't even know that you have to stay there for like, a month, or else it's not worth it. Also I didn't take into account the gigantic spiders and bugs they have there, when I go I'm going to wear a body net like that guy whose picture I'm not allowed to post but if you scroll down you'll see it.

Greece

I took a Graeco-Roman class last semester and now I want to go to Greece. I want to drink their wine and lie on their beaches and get a mediterranean tan. For a while I didn't know that Greece was to the east of Italy, one day I looked at a map and was very surprised. Anyways, there's tons of shit to see there, like Delphi where they used to have the Delphic oracle with "priestess'" inhaling vapors from the ground that made them high so they could, you know, be "wise" and stuff. Sounds like a nice job right?

India/The Himalayas

Even I find this really random. I want to see the sherpas and yaks and eat Nepalese food and see Mt. Everest! I also want to see elephants in the streets of India and go in their temples, but I really don't want diarreah or other sicknesses you can aquire there, I just realized I'm not educated enough to go there yet. But the Taj Mahal is defs on my list of things to see.

Also I really want to go to Portland, even though I've heard there's nothing there, I just want to chill with Chris Walla.

"I've been traveling a while
haven't found a place to call my own.
I've been a million miles
still feeling all alone.
And I'm on my way back home, again."
- Jim Ward "On my way Back Home Again"