how to properly search something in an academic database

otherwise you will probably get this:

I'm Not Really Sure How True This Is

Sometimes I go through a phase where I don't write anything in my blog which is kind of happening right now. I think about writing in my blog a lot but then I can't think of anything to say. Don't worry though, here are some other things I haven't been keeping up with lately:

+ my budget (still haven't completed January yet)
+ my laundry
+ my journal
+ reading books

There is an explanation though and the explanation is that I have ADD. You think the above paragraph is short but it actually took me 11 minutes to write because I had to clean my nails in between every sentence. Is that gross? Sorry. It's my ADD.

I'm not entirely sure how accurate this "diagnosis" is because if I have ADD then probably everyone has ADD, but I am also of the opinion that everyone DOES have ADD and so do I, but because everyone has it then it's not actually a thing (except for people who actually have like real ADD) and therefore we should just start selling Adderall in pharmacies next to the Midol so that everyone can be super stimulated without period cramps and we'll be really productive and stop global debt, poverty, etc.

Oh no wait is that screwed up logic? Am I just talking out of my ass? Hmm. I'm bored.

cheap honesty I.

MY DEAR FRIENDS, YOU ARE FUCKED. I LOVE YOU FAR TOO MUCH.

++

dec 6 2012

it would be really irresponsible for me to work 6am-3pm tomorrow right. and i should not be swayed by whoever picks up the phone

you cannot, emily. you HAVE to write your paper. seriously

do you know what it is. it is because if i don't go to work i don't leave the house. i need to go to therapy for my work related issues.

yeah....

i said no but i feel sad about saying no. i think i will take a shower.

maybe you should sign up for a hobby related class.

++

thinking of you listening to neko case

omg love neko case. what song are you listening to.

polar nettles

++

do you know any straight girls who wear men's underwear

random. i don't think so.

do you know any gay girls with long nails

yes...

...

.....

slash laughing alone in my room

did you finish your sound project?

i am finishing it now. so close. hence the hysteria. i keep getting interrupted by oscar who whines every time i close the door. then he stares at me when i open it

my roommate's cat used to do that. it made me hate him.

++

is darren being understanding?

yes he is amazing. he said he won't deduct marks as long as i hand it in while he's still marking the other papers.

wtf he is jesus. my idol.....

i know right

at least it's more generous than my 5 hour extension. ....which i didn't make.

++

dec 7 2012


i'm like moses: my body turns coffee into water.

some time later....

my shoulder feels dislocated

hola moses, mi examen final es hoy. then i am SO DONE. when are you finished?

tuesday

saweet. i smell a party.

well i was supposed to be mostly done this tuesday, but then i handed in everything late because of a mental breakdown and i'm still writing an essay because i'm a retard.

this is why we're friends, FYI.

i know i was thinking of you and how you're probably suffering just like me. we need to get out soon.

just found out my exam is 12 pages. 12 pages of spanish madness. officially getting off my phone.....now. see you when your social life finds you.

++

i got your other texts this morning because i was in bed..........i go to bed really early.

i know, because you wake up really early. i have 730 words written.

++

why are you calling me?! slash i bet it's a pocket dial.

one: i love how shocked (appalled?) you are that i might call and, two: it was a pocket...or book dial - i dropped my book on my phone b/c it sounded like one of the babies was dying in her sleep

you told me you never call people. for 2 seconds i felt really special. i hope the baby is ok.

indeed you are special, regardless. the baby turned out just to be snoring in the most old man way ever.

++

i am in a van, cramped up against the back because the self-entitled man in front of me put his seat far back. i feel like throwing up on the back of his head.

you should put your knees on his chair

ha, that is my plan.

damn those self entitled men. and the patriarchy.

you have no idea how much i hate men. sometimes i forget but it is always there, just simmering below the surface......probably only 5 percent kidding.

one day i will make you talk about your lesbian escapades....

one day.

soon.

++

dear darren, essay writing is going slowly because i am taking pictures of myself spooning my cat.

dear dr. cahill, your paper is still not in but i did spend an hour reading about how katy perry isn't a feminist and crafting an erudite facebook reply.

++

it's gotten to the point where i'm literally just collaging things other people have said about gail scott together and the only things i have written are "she argues that..."

hmmm....i suspect that is not going to work well....for darren....

i hope he appreciates my research. i did say that julie doucet and gail scott are both from montreal.

i just literally laughed out loud and i am in a van full of strangers.

how is that going by the way. are you almost there?

we are more than half way to toronto and i made the self-entitled asshole move his chair. he was rude (INDIGNANT) about it, if you can imagine (he has what is known as a "bucket seat" and so he is not even sharing/sitting beside someone!). 

well he is an idiot. those are the best seats.

yeah. basically that was the look i gave him and then i kneed his seat for extra effect.

you're the best.

i knooooowww..my bum is so NUMB. ....my text was in response to the seats being the best - i don't think my numb bum makes me the best. just so you don't think that.

++

I HAVE 3 HOURS TO WRITE 500 WORDS

YOU CAN DO THAT!

AHHH

half of that can be your conclusion!

the essay honestly makes no sense. it's kind of funny. at least i choose to see it that way

++

is it legal to rent an apartment in another country if you don't have a working visa (and you're not working)

no. but lots of people do it.

why is it not legal?

um i don't know. i think because you aren't doing anything there? maybe i am wrong but i don't know.... i guess if within a limited time...maybe?

hm. will do more research at a later date.

++

1,743 words i am so close i am so close i'm going to cry

yesssss. i knew you could do it!

i'm excited but slightly worried because this literally two essays about different things ... except that they are both from montreal!!! that sentence didn't even make sense.

This Is Why It Is So Hard To Find A Place To Live

1.

Hi, I have a 3 and a half which I want to share with 2 persons, (unless somebody want to pay me heavy rent for a single room), its on [redacted], exactly in between Concordia and Atwater, Rent would be near about $300 including everything, I guess internet also.Place is awesome, rooms are too big with a big kitchen and store. And no need to worry about shopping stores, its Downtown!

I can share it with one person also, like girls need separate room (if you can share with another girl, then again less rent) but if alone then rent would increase, it would be near about $575

2.

Looking for open minded female to share beautiful home over looking the ocean in Nova Scotia. I recently moved back to my home town in Cape Breton, a small village in the Highlands, remote and beautiful. I plan to spend a winter getting back to nature, working on my land and trying to live more organically. I am looking for someone interested in a winter retreat. I am not looking for help with bills, more companionship, someone that would enjoy hiking, outdoor activities, cooking and cosy nights in front of the fireplace. Free of cost with no long term commitments. great opportunity for a painter, writer or yoga trainer. For more details send an email. Thanks

3.

just moved into my new home on 10 acres looking for a roommate must be a women

i am 15 mins to the 401 and 20 to 417 looking for someone to clean the place for free rent

i am tall 6.2 dark hair blue eyes in good shape realy easy going

4.

##################################

room for rent for 225$ per month in Montreal

5.

Beautifull rooms available to rent in Puerto Vallarta , located int the romantic zone of old Valarta .Located at a 5 minutes walk from the beach and conveniences. Each of our rooms have their particular style and are equipped with anti-acarina bed covers and pillow cases, as well as bathrobes . Our large rooms have a fridge and a tv with cable. You also get access to the kitchen (fully equipped), high speed internet (wifi), calls to Canada and USA, and the rest of the Casa.For a small extra fee you can use the washer and dryer.Our prices include continental breakfast and we also offer guide services to discover the area and provide towels for the beach as well beach chairs and umbrellas and coolers.

6.

$ 300 ALL INCLUDED (electricity, telecommunications)
THE HEART OF THE PLATEAU
All furnished or unfurnished
INTERNET, PHONE, CABLE TV
BIG ROOMS
QUIET EXCEPT WHEN WE DO A PRIVATE SKINS PARTY (MAX 60 guests including us)
MAX 10 roomates 75% girls, 25% boys
this really calm but we are people who like the nightlife. we life close to the clubs, we are not allowed to invite people outside of room after midnight
ALL INCLUSIVE PRICE EVEN THE COMMON POT: BETWEEN $ 180, $ 330 and $ 530

7.

Hiii ,

I found a great 3 1/2 very close to school. I like to share it with a girl. If you like let me know. One cane take a bedroom and another can take a living room.
Thanks. The contract is for one year.

8.

1 1/2 in seint-kevin (all include, internet, elecricity, hot water, telephone).for 10 month for share by a gilr.near metro station and montreal university(just 15 minutes by walk).
If you interested please send me an e-mail
I am guy and study in Ude M.

9.

McGill MBA, single, living in an apartment located in the beautiful Outremont area. I am offering my guest room to a woman in her twenties in exchange for regular intimate moments, if the chemistry is there of course... Photos available.

10.

Available large room (non furnished) 9.5x14.5 in a ground floor 6 1/2, wood floors, w/d, wi-fi, no phone no cable. Looking for mature person that needs pied à terre with access. I am a 51 man non smoker with no pets, staight in my orentation not in my life style. Leave a phone number to be reached no email correspondance.

"straight in my orientation, not in my life style"

"straight in my orientation, not in my life style"

"straight in my orientation, not in my life style"

How People Find My Blog

You guys, I'm worried. What is poilet fuking. In other news, this would explain why "the hairline receding" gets so many hits.

However, none of mine are quite as bad as Allie's from Hyperbole and a Half.

the way it feels

i am inside your sweater, under your shirt and my little hamster heart is trying to be a better little hamster heart.

the inside of your sweater is made with that fluffy stuff and it feels nice. and it's still kind of warm.

i'm really tired. is that okay? i wish i were a little tiny baby so i could fall asleep on your chest. i wish i had little tiny baby hands so i could tug at your shirt and pull your hair and touch your face and it would be okay, because babies touch things, and you can't blame them for touching things. i wish i were a baby so i could look at you in wonder, and be amazed at how the world created this thing, like these tiny hairs on your face, like the shape of your nose. babies are amazed by everything.

my stupid little hamster heart runs all night and it won't shut up. why don't you want to run on your wheel? do you want some water?

Is Anna Wintour Practicing Mind Control On Us?

Do you ever read something on the internet and then you can't stop clicking links and searching until hours and hours have passed and you've read 100 wikipedia pages and your eyes burn? The other day I watched The Devil Wears Prada and became so fascinated with Vogue/Anna Wintour/Fashion/Meryl Streep's Character that I started searching for all these things and next thing you know I'm watching The September Issue and reading a biography of Anna Wintour at Chapters.

It's just so crazy! She's this all-powerful woman and impossible to determine her true character. I read her wikipedia page and here's a woman who's been nicknamed "Nuclear Wintour", dislikes fat people, is cold and aloof, and reportedly once sent a plate of roast beef to anti-fur protestors outside Vogue's building. Then, I watched The September Issue and was kind of surprised. The only impressions I took away from the documentary were a) Grace Coddington is awesome, b) Anna Wintour is kind of cute, and c) she doesn't seem that evil.

See, everybody knows that it's hard to get a real grasp on a person (especially someone like Anna Wintour who is very private) from speculation, press/random articles, and fictitious books maybe based on her. That's why I was so curious to see The September Issue. Ultimately I was kind of disappointed. I feel like I learned more about Grace Coddington's character than Anna's, besides seeing the potential that Anna is in fact a human being with a heart/soul, though probably they didn't show everything they could have shown about her, and probably she gave the answers she wants other people to hear. Don't trust things that can be edited. The September Issue did nothing to help me decide if Anna Wintour is a cold-hearted bitch or a strong/ambitious person who is also shy and has incurred the wrath of many beneath her. She's also aroused the curiosity of many, and done very little to satisfy it, much to my dismay.

Says The Globe and Mail: "If you want the dish on Vogue fashion editor Anna Wintour, you'll get more from the Wikipedia entry than in the whole of R.J Cutler's documentary, The September Issue." (except this whole article is full of errors but WHATEVER)

All I know for sure about Anna Wintour is that she is fucking influential. She's the reason why we have celebrities on the covers of magazines! She's the person who "ignited the fur industry"! Anna Wintour controls what is in style SHE CONTROLS WHAT YOU WEAR! Is Lady Gaga her protégé and are they brainwashing us and taking over the planet?

Is Anna Wintour this person...

...or this person?

In any case, I'm going to reread ("read") the only copy of Vogue I've ever bought (March 2010 with Tina Fey on the cover) more carefully now.

Does anyone care about this? What happens when Anna Wintour retires?? She's been the editor-in-chief of American Vogue for over 20 years! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE WORLD!? IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M SO FASCINATED BY THIS WHEN I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT FASHION!? WHO IS ANNA WINTOUR!?

Simple Things Can Make You Happy if You Let Them

"In a spirit of mutinous resistance, she climbed the seep grassy slope to the bridge, and when she stood on the driveway, she decided she would stay there and wait until something significant happened to her. This was the challenge she was putting to existence -- she would not stir, not for dinner, not even for her mother calling her in. She would simply wait on the bridge, calm and obstinate, until events, real events, not her own fantasies, rose to her challenge, and dispelled her insignificance."

- Atonement by Ian McEwan

"I'm going to sit here until I feel my soul."

- Matthew Rohrer "MK Ultra"

++

I'm going to sit here until I feel my soul, and then when I feel it I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm going to sit here and feel apart from my body, feel like I'm two different entities. I can't organize myself.

There wasn't a time when it was easy. If you knew me four years ago you would have known me as angry.

Dear [redacted],

I said I would never write to you again, but here I am. You went away, but you never really went away, if you know what I mean. I used to know you, you used to think you knew me. In my sick, sick way I pulled you in, made you "mine". I thought I wanted you but what I really wanted was for you to have me.

I said that you were me, but in the future. I said if I wasn't so sad I would be just like you. Am I like you now? It's been four years. Who am I now? Am I you?

++

This post began with me trying to say that I used to be really angry when I was 16, but now I'm never angry and it's weird because I'm happy? with a question mark. Then I erased everything and wrote a letter that doesn't make sense. Now I'm listening to a playlist called "Window Blues".

Anyways, the point is that I used to hate everyone and everything because the world was mean. But then things happen, and it's a long story, you might as well read every blog entry I've ever written because that is when things "happened", I mean, this is when I changed. Not because of this blog, but this blog happened to exist when I lived. I don't hate anyone or anything. I still get mad at the STM but I don't get mad at people, rarely, I mean sometimes I still snap at people because I'm human and I get irritated, but I'm not angry, I'm not holding grudges. I feel like I can properly adjust to crisises which is a word I can't spell but I'm not mad about it.

I think I just get sad when other people might get mad. Instead I take it personally, like, if the government is mean I want to cry and sometimes I do, and it hurts me as if they said it to my face. That was just an example because I can't think of anything real right now.

Being positive is really hard, but it's all in your head. I had a therapist who got pregnant and left me but she taught me that it's all in my head and I can be happy if I want to, and I do.

I can't be around srs negativity because it's like a relapse. It makes me feel like I'm 16. It makes me want to write letters to [redacted] and that's dumb because I'm smarter now. I think.

++

"The people we love could never crawl inside of us, even if they wanted to... happy's up to you."

Kind of Like Spitting - "Happy?"

truth is stranger than fiction

hello friends!

it is the late afternoon/early evening of friday the 12th of march and i am having a really weird moment. for one, i am using my old pc laptop. it is very strange. i keep making typos. also it is very loud and i keep pressing "alt" instead of "command" because the "command" button is somewhere else. and i keep trying to use two fingers to scroll. i can't do anything on this computer! on an unrelated note, i'm also cold. which reminds me that i made tea 30 minutes ago and it is also probably cold.

the universe has been doing some really weird things to me lately. the past 3 days i've had these creepy bordering on nightmareish dreams. one of my dreams was that a bunch of hairy wrestler men in spandex were chasing me out of a gay carnival. another one was that a plane crashed into the building next to me and set everything on fire, but that was okay because i was in a pool and therefore didn't die (?!?). i can't remember the third one but i know it was creepy because i woke up thinking what the hell is happening around here.

i've also decided that i'm going to start writing down my dreams and turning them into stories. sometimes i have dreams with cool people in them, like once i was on a ship with kate winslet and rose mcgowan (titanic??), once i had sex with brad pitt on a tropical island, and once john krasinski hugged me. imagine if those were real?

a few days ago i had a 'where is my mother' panic attack and had to mourn the loss of my childhood for the 98,000th time. i wrote a poem about it but i don't want to share it with you.

and now, just a few minutes ago, facebook decided to finally do what it's promised to do since it started.

by that i mean on the right hand side of my home page, facebook made a "friend suggestion" that i totally wasn't expecting and actually probably hoped to never see. i would not have actively searched for this person, ever. usually the "friend suggestions" i get are people from high school who have 37 mutual friends that i never speak to either.

what kills me is the person's profile picture is a picture i took four years ago. really, papi? i wonder if i'm popping up on her friend suggestions.

the first thing i did is wonder if i should friend request her. 5 seconds later i decided that would be crazy times, a decision that might be reversed if i ever get drunk enough near a computer.

the second thing i did was edit my profile. i realize that is completely unnecessary (omg i just spelled that 'unnessecary' what is wrong with me?!) and i don't know why i thought it was a precaution i had to take. maybe i'm prophesying (i also spelled that wrong mostly because i was just guessing that it was a word) being drunk near a computer? after that i checked to make sure my privacy settings are so that no one who isn't my friend can see the edits i just made to my facebook page. i know what you're thinking. jk i don't. but i know what i'm thinking, and what i'm thinking is that sometimes i'm kind of crazy and obsessive and also a huge time waster.

this probably happens to a lot of people, i'm guessing. we're all kind of the same like that. i tried to evaluate my life from this other person's eyes, this person who hasn't seen me in 4 years and then i wanted to make everything look pretty and neat in case they cared. also it's like when you know someone's looking at you, you start to act differently. you become conscious of your actions. it's strange, because she's not reading this or "looking" at me, but it feels like it. maybe because suddenly i'm looking at her? or just crazy.

anyways, what's really important besides my dumbass life crisisesess is that i'm going to philadelphia to visit laura tomorrow! then we are going to nyc to visit autostraddle headquarters. it's going to be good times.

in sadder news, the tv downstairs is broken. this sucks because it is the tv attached to the cable thing so all the good channels are downstairs. also my wii is connected to that tv. so now i will never finish call of duty! unless i bring the wii upstairs.

en tout cas, spring break, fuck yeah! watch lady gaga's 'telephone' video. so fucking good. it might even be better than bad romance, and that's saying something.

lemon, out!