hi i'm dr. oscar bluth-wilde

hi i'm dr. oscar bluth-wilde and i'll be taking over this blog for a little while while emily allows herself to continue in a downward spiral by watching charmed every night until 3am.

yes, i just want you to know that i have been taking online classes and i have received my phd in psychology so i am now a doctor. you may call me dr. oscar or just oscar that's ok too. since i am just getting my practice started i am offering for a limited time only free counselling sessions at any time of the day or night as long as i am not napping or eating or playing. i have a very busy day schedule so please keep in touch regularly with my secretary if you want to make an appointment. also if you have any advice questions you want to ask now you can do that in the comment section or in cat, kind of like ask annie only it's ask oscar and i am smarter than annie. she is an idiot.

ok so in celebration of my phd there will be a party on the internet it starts now and ends never. please bring snacks or else you can't come.

A Non-Linear Approach to Learning, Or Something.

The last few posts of mine have been pretty depressing so I thought I'd shake it up a bit and post something that requires less from me and more from you. Also I forgot to write something for today.

I'm pulling a leaf out of autowin's book and posting links to stuff I'm "currently reading/doing/listening to/etc.

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+ Have you heard The National's new album High Violet? You can listen to the whole thing for free on NPR. My favourite track so far is Bloodbuzz Ohio. High Violet is released on May 11.

+ The other stuff I'm really listening to right now is from Jonsi, the lead singer of Sigur Ros. Listen to his whole album Go on his website. For free.

+ Holly Norris and Jes Sachse made their own "American Apparel" ads in response to the apparently "regular" people who model for AA.

+ A woman goes to an anti-racism workshop and discovers that we're all racist. For what it's worth, being "colour-blind" is not productive, nor is being afraid of offending someone because you mention something that's part of their culture. As someone in the comments said: "As a Canadian of Japanese ancestry, I have spent my entire adult life trying to allay the burden white people carry about their whiteness or my lack thereof. "No. I would prefer if you didn't promote me to comply with your stupid, misguided and racist employment equity program." Or of late: "No. I don't find Sumo suits racist, but I find your pandering to my sensitivities very offensive.""

+ Mother's Day when you're unmothered. Also read the Slate article it links to. DO IT.

+ So I saw Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston's new video for "Eenie Meenie" a song you've probs never heard and it is surprisingly catchy. The song. Not the video.

+ Riese team picked this on autostraddle, and I love it. A new poem from Eileen Myles called "Smile".

+ Also, obviously, you should be reading autostraddle. Specifically you should read: part one of a 3 part feminist roundtable discussion, and some phone versus the iPhone 4G: a srs analysis.

+ Have you checked out my tumblr?

Other Books I'm Reading

Okay, last time I read three books and was in the middle of reading the second Redwall book, Mossflower. Since then I've finished it, read the next one, Mattimeo, and then read three more books. That makes a total of 8 books (see? I can count). If anyone would like to suggest something to read, that's nice, put it in the comments and I'll add it to my list.


The Life of Pi by Yann Martel

My dad bought The Life of Pi for $2 at a garage sale. This is a book that won a very prestigious award (which means nothing to me) and other things, rave reviews, blah blah, and claims that it may make me believe in God. Doubtful of that I read it anyway hoping to be entertained for a bit. It made me lose a couple hours of sleep during the middle of the book when I absolutely couldn't put it down, but the beginning was a bit long and uneventful and I found the end disappointing. Overall it was a good story but yeah, that's it. And even though I have weird/mixed feelings towards God, it did not make me believe in him I don't know why someone would claim that.



On the Road by Jack Kerouac

This book made me feel high. Like I physically felt like I was on drugs when I read this. Some of my friends have said they only want to read On the Road when they go on a roadtrip. Obviously I didn't do that. I like the idea of re-reading it if I ever go across the country -- one of my favorite things about books is that reading it a second time is always different than the first. I'll probably be in a different place (metaphorically and physically) when I read this a second time and I can't wait to see what new meanings it will hold, because this book has a lot of meanings and secrets waiting to be found in its pages.

"I could hear an indescribable seething roar which wasn't in my ear but was everywhere and had nothing to do with sounds. I realized that I had died and been reborn numberless times but just didn't remember especially because the transitions from life to death and back to life are so ghostly easy, a magical action for naught, like falling asleep and waking up again a million times, the utter casualness and deep ignorance of it."


The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall

If you didn't gather from the title, this book is fucking depressing. It's at times long and brutally honest. It also provided comfort and made me angry, made me weep, made me shameful but also proud, it evoked a self-pity but also pity for the world which can be so horrible, and it humbled me. I can't explain it in any other way except to say that this book made me feel.

"Our love may be faithful even unto death and beyond -- yet the world will call it unclean. We may harm no living creature by our love; we may grow more perfect in understanding and in charity because of our loving; but all this will not save you from the scourge of a world that will turn its eyes from your noblest actions, finding only corruption and vileness in you.

Because there is only toleration for the so-called normal. And when you come to me for protection, I shall say: "I cannot protect you, the world has deprived me of my right to protect; I am utterly helpless, I can only love you."

The Muscles Fought so Long to Control Against the Pull

Today is a big day for someone. Not for me, but for someone else. I'm just going to bear witness to it, I'm going to clap and drink and hide in the bathroom. I hate socializing. People are going to touch my hair and ask me when I'm going to the olympics. They'll point at my tattoo and ask me if it's real. My grandmother will probably make that "tchh!" sound and face and turn away -- why would you ever do something like that to yourself? I'll smile politely. Get another drink. Disappear for extended periods of time -- no one will notice me, it's a huge gathering, I'll just be off there in that gray area, stumbling around. If I had internet on my phone I would maybe live blog. But I don't, so I won't.

Today is the happiest day ever for someone. Right now. I wonder what they think as they wake up? Will I ever think those same thoughts? I don't think I could, knowing what I know and feel and see. It's just not fucking fair. Yesterday I woke up and couldn't feel my fingertips. I had a dream that someone's head was cut into 4 pieces but don't worry 'cause then she got up and killed her brother. I wonder what the happy people dream about.

Today is the greatest day ever for two people, given the opportunity to share their lives together. For others, today is another day denied equal rights, denied understanding and compassion, denied acceptance, denied as being humans. Today is another fight to live their lives as free, honest, loving, caring, etc. people. For some people, today is a day circled on the calendar. This is going to be an anniversary, a celebration -- a cele-fucking-bration! What the fuck are we celebrating? How come only some people get to celebrate? How come only certain people get to be happy? I know -- because everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others.

I cannot go to this wedding with a clear conscience.

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[tegan and sara - i was married]

and read this because you should.

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[edit at 1:35 am maybe drunk maybe iu;lk erase and edit this tomorrow probs not[

my thiughts and feelings re: guinuine heterosexual weddings. i think all weddings are genuine. i mean you don't get married thinking that you're gonna break upo with them in a year -- the moment itself is comepletey geniuine and honest and real. regardless of what really happens in 10, 20, 40 years, if they have affairs or have 2.5 kids but really end up hating each other -- they're not getting married with these thoughts in mind. the're thinkling it's gonna be the opposite. they want to beat the odds. that being said, i enjoyed myself qwuite a b it. i wish that i was not such a complete social retard but it was nice because maybe you know thst things like this make me cry. i told you this right? i cry at the olympics and it's not an athlete thing. i'm an idealist in the truest form and though i hate that being straight is super normal and being gay is frowned upon, i'm happy for them. and it doesn't even matter what i think because even though the bride and groom wanted to shasre this day with us it's really about them and they're in love and they don't need our permission. i'm an idealist and i believe in love so i'm glad they celebratied this. i guess the real thing that kills me is that people want to deny thi s same happiness to other people. i mean not in canada, in canada gays and lesbians can get married. but in the majority if the world gays and lesbains are prosecuted and stuff. but i think if these two peple, my cousin and some other guy, if they can fall in love and they want to make this commitment, however silly and caked with religious garbage, why can't anybody else. i think the way we see marriage now in our society is obviosuly not a handing over of the bride as property from one man to another, it's a promse that two peopl are makign to each other to love each other for a really long time, i dont think ti's a religious thing anymore, i eman i don't see why it should be cause they're in lvoe and that's so great and i'm so happy for them kinda i mean i just think they're lucky and i'm glad i was there cause every once in a while i need a reminder that there is good in the wrold. i like to see honest happy people. it makes me cry thinking about it watching them walk down the aisle i mean maybe nedt may 31 who knows what we'll be doing but they're gonna be remembering today. and i don;'t think they'll remember everyone who came or what songs were played or what food they ate. but they'll probably rememer being happy. even if may 31 2010 means they;'re in a fight or the dolphins are exgtinct or there's a power outage, today, tonight was somethign else. i am happy that tonight was full of love and happiness. i only wish that it was more easily shared. it's not fair that part of the world is denied this simple feeling. and i mean just that. i don;t know maybe sometimes it seems hard and stupid, love i mean, feels like it deosn't make sense. but then when you have it for real, like this, it is simple. it is so simple. and life is complicated, always, but love can be simple so why people try to steal its simplicity is beyond me. it cold be so simple.

Spring Came Bearing Sunlight, Those Few Persuasive Rays

Did you know that there were only 3 full weeks in april? Unless you count the first week and the last week and then there would be 4 full weeks and a few extra days. Spring is my favourite time of the year.

do you spell it favourite or favorite?
colour or color?
honour or honor?

When the semester is over I'm going to party. Hard. Hopefully I'll be employed by then, then on weekends when people ask me to go out I'll say "No, sorry I can't, I'm working tomorrow morning." and they'll say "Who cares? Come anyway, it'll be fun." and I won't be able to resist and I'll show up for work exhausted but I'll make money for the next weekend so it evens itself out in the end.

Last weekend I went on a hike up Mt. St. Hilaire as part of my gym intensive. For the most part I enjoyed myself. Upcoming Sunday: Mt. Orford. It's a lot more fun when you have good company, like I did. Lately I've been surrounding myself with really great people. If you're reading this and you've been around me recently I probably love you a lot right now. It's not where you are, it's who you're with. Right?

And lots of great things are happening around the world, too: Obama's 100 days in office have so far been a success, everyone in Iowa is allowed to get married, Penelope Cruz is Spanish, Gesche Peters exists, I'm taking more pictures, the swine flu's going around... everything is great!

"I tell you these stories because these things happen to everyone it's not about being starched or polished or cute or polite. It's about having ears that stick out, about breaking yet another glass. It's about seeing something for the first time and making a million mistakes and not ever getting completely discouraged." - Maira Kalman

P.S. April showers bring May flowers

i burn down buildings while you sit on shelves inside of them

hope is very naive. i am also naive because i want to change the world and i think that it can happen. i don't mean i want to change everything in the world - that would be really really hard. if i make a difference in one persons life then that's an accomplishment right there.

why do we still hope? do people ever hope that things will change right now? or is it just towards tomorrow that we're looking? i kinda hope things will get better right now. i mean, why else do we get up in the morning. despite all the disappointments the world hands us, one after another, we still get up and continue moving forward because hope defies all logic. just like love. oh yeah, and just so you know, "Love is a great thing. But marriage isn’t just any kind of love; it’s the special love of husband and wife for each other and their children."

ok and if you want to know how tired our society is, count the number of sleeping people on the bus. i bet you will see at least two. sometimes i sleep standing up, leaning against the pole.

and suddenly i'm asking myself these questions again, you know, suddenly i'm thinking about life again and the big picture and mememe in the world. tiny, little me. big, huge world. suddenly i'm feeling things again. remember that tv show charmed? remember their theme song? i am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else. yeah. so take that love haters and fear mongers.

so don't give up hoping. but take that hope and turn it into ACTION! but positive action, you know, something that'll make the world better, not promote ignorance and discrimination. and get up in the morning and come to school cause i want to see your pretty (ugly) face.

Life is Full Of Wonder, Love is Never Wrong

Portia on Ellen 03.16.09

Who wins?

Human beings, everywhere.

LIFE IS FULL OF WONDER
LOVE IS NEVER WRONG