hi i'm oscar

hi i'm oscar

hi i'm oscar

hi i'm oscar

hi i'm oscar

hi i'm oscar i'm a cat i wake up early in the morning and no one is awake so i sit in front of cate's door on a chair waiting for her to wake up ok. hi cate please wake up soon and play with me and also bring me snacks i really like snacks i like to eat food a lot all of the time. some of my favorite hobbies are playing with pens and knocking things off tables i like to stand on tables and also sit on chairs especially when people are sitting on the chairs. hi i have an office it is in the kitchen under the stool i go in there to do serious thinking about which game i am going to play next sometimes i fall asleep by accident my office is very small but i am a small cat. my favorite sport is soccer i only like to play by myself i have a bed i share it with my fish and my rat-octopus and my soccer ball my rat-octopus and fish are my best friends except for jane austen-gosselin who is another cat hi jane also i think i have other friends but i have never met them ok. i like to knock things off tables because it makes a funny sound hehe. ok i am getting sleepy and hungry now oh look a tail i will chase it now ok. bye i'm oscar and i approve this message.

Look At This Fucking Cat

World, meet Oscar Wilde, the fourth member of Hotel Tupperware.

Family portrait!

From left to right: honorary member Rachel "ludacribz", Emily "dictator", Jeba "BOH (bitch of house)", Cate "Cate (every household needs a Cate!)", Oscar "wild" Wilde

We will never get work done again. Meow!

this semester i will do everything

MORE COFFEE, LESS SLEEP!

i will do it all: school, work, eating, drinking.

normally i can't do it all. normally i am very slow and require many hours of sleep therefore limiting me to about one activity a day. but, no! this year/semester (starting small) i will be in a constant state of motion. except right now because i'm in the library where there's internet.

anyways, so far my new life is going great. i am not freaking out about 6am wake ups and i haven't cried in like a week! though i might drop a few tears when i buy $300 worth of textbooks for one class.

nostalgia forever bike

Hello, this is Laura. Emily's in China and can't get to Blogger because of the Great Firewall, so I'll be posting blogs she sends me from now until she gets back. xo

++

dear friends,

beijing is strange/amazing. parts of it are super modern and fancy, and other parts of it are just...exactly what you might picture when you think of china. there are these small streets where people share the road with bikes, scooters, cars, rickshaws, food stands, and restaurants. there are no stop signs or street lights or lines dividing the road in half. cars will honk but they won't slow down and my number one fear is getting my toes run over. but the street food is so good. they have these long grills where they grill meat on a stick and it only costs 2Y (about $0.25). yesterday i bought one and it was so spicy but so delicious.

on sunday we went to the silk market. it was like canal street in new york city times 1000, but in a mall. there were different floors for all kinds of fake things. one floor was devoted entirely to shoes and bags, and every stall had the exact same shoes. every time you walk past a stall the vendors try and get you to buy things in broken english. i think there were more white people than chinese people there. on our way back to the subway (which costs 2Y one way, btw), i passed someone selling photographs on the stairs. there was a sign that explained how the pictures captured all of beijing, including "nostalgic Forever bikes". languages are weird/beautiful.

mandarin is hard to learn but fun. i had my first class this morning and all we did was learn the basic phonetics. there are so many, and half of them aren't pronounced the way they're spelled. there are even some sounds that sound like french words, which makes it easier. there are also 4 different tones in mandarin. so the word "ma" can mean 4 different things depending on how you pronounce it, which means that half the time i'll probably be saying completely random things.

i'm taking a lot of pictures and walking a lot. my feet hurt and i'm still jet lagged, but everything is so incredible that i don't mind. i woke up at 530am this morning which is kind of a nice habit to have, but by 5pm i'm exhausted again.

tonight i walked in a big circle twice looking for the street with all the food and eventually gave up and had some disgusting flavoured milk for dinner. too tired to even make an effort to eat.

nostalgia Forever bike,
emily

Cats Have The Best Life

Cats have the best life.

laura wooley's housemate's cat edward

They spend like 90% of their time napping in the sun, and the other times they are either eating, playing, or nuzzling you for attention.

Cats basically own us. They will get bored and leave you to do their own thing, but you will still feed them when they're hungry. And pet them. And snuggle with them.

I wish I were a cat. Then everyone would snuggle me and feed me and I would be easily amused by string.

edward the odd

meow! We are all made of kittens.

A Few Things

Hi. Okay, I don't really have any ideas for a blog post so I'm just going to tell you things so that you keep reading and don't forget about me.

I went to see Hollerado Friday night in Montreal and it was one of the best shows I've ever been to. I don't know how to explain it other than to say that it ended with the audience on stage with the band, jumping around to Neil Young's 'Rocking in the Free World'. I mean there's few things that will get me to jump around like a crazy person like that, I didn't even want to do it when I played hockey and that was basically the same thing as working out. I know I'm small but moshing is fun.

As a bit of a sidenote, I've noticed that some of the best concerts are the ones that cost ~$8. Tegan and Sara are my favourite band, but now that they're "big" and their concerts cost ~$35, they lose some of the intimacy that smaller shows definitely get. There are stricter boundaries as well, for example, the audience would never be able to jump on stage at a T&S show.

Katie is going to Australia in January and when she goes I'm losing my concert-going buddy. So I'm going to have to put up an ad for that. But I feel very sensitive about this, like I think I might just go to concerts alone instead because I will just be very sad that Katie is gone and no one can fill her shoes. Because she has big feet. Ha ha. Okay. The editor in my brain is telling me to erase that but I'm not going to because then you would never read it.

So, a few other things. November was pretty decent, I think I only cried once. It went by really fast and now the semester's almost over and honestly, I feel pretty sad about that. That's probably another post for when my exams are done. But in general, I feel good about November. It seems that just when I started getting settled in and used to things it's all ending, but what can you do. I got a harmonica for my birthday and I've been teaching myself some real hardcore songs like "You Are My Sunshine" and "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer". I'm a little bit in denial that I'm 20. I also might be in denial that the past 3 months actually happened. I don't know. Sometimes I'm in denial that I'm actually a real person and that's when I know I should see my therapist.

I guess this is a bit of an update or something. I want to write about the Mary Gaitskill reading I went to a month ago but clearly that keeps getting pushed back. So maybe in a few months you'll hear about that. Is there anything you want me to tell you about, do you want me to write a story or something. Remember when Riese told you to ask her questions and then she would answer them? I would do that but I don't think anyone would ask any questions because Riese has 32908443 more readers than I do. One day I want to write a blog post about how much I love Riese. Also, Riese, if you're reading this, I want the rights to your biography. Thanks.

Ok here's the end of a poem by Stephen Dunn:

Poem For People Who Are Understandably Too Busy To Read Poetry

Imagine yourself a caterpillar.

There's an awful shrug and, suddenly,

You're beautiful for as long as you live.

On Groceries

Sometimes when I tell people I spend ~$15 a week on groceries they are very amazed. They think I don't eat anything. False. I never stop eating. I also think grocery shopping is really cheap.

This is a half-guide to grocery shopping. I personally think good grocery shopping is a science/art/something you need to master and I'm just learning. It's also a lot of fun. These are some things I've learned from grocery shopping and some things that I like to buy and some things I look out for when I shop and this is how I spend ~$70 on groceries a month. Also take into account that I'm only shopping for myself and not feeding a family of 5.

+ Fruits and Vegetables Are Cheap

A sandwich at the Concordia cafeteria is between $4 and $7. THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY. Do you know how much a tomato costs me? One tomato costs me $0.31 - $0.53 depending on how big it is.

Fruits and vegetables are really cheap. You can get a lot of broccoli for only 99 cents. Plums can be as little as 18 cents. Three bananas cost me 44 cents. You get the picture.

Buying your food at the grocery store is a billion times cheaper than buying a sandwich. For half of the cost of buying a sandwich at Concordia you can get like 24 slices of bread. Ok I don't know how many slices of bread are in those packages but it's way more than 2.

+ Meat Can Be Cheap Too

Before I started grocery shopping for myself, I thought meat was expensive. And it can be. But it can also be affordable! I like to buy at least one package of meat a week. I get boneless chicken breasts for around $2.50 - $3 and it's enough for 2 meals. Sometimes in the middle of the week I'll get more meat and then the next week I won't have to get any because it'll carry over. I like to spread out my meat eating.

+ Look For Specials

My grocery list is usually incredibly vague, including things like "fruit" "vegetables" "granola bars" "meat" "pasta". This reminds me that I need to get fruits or vegetables or whatever, but leaves it open to what's available in the store. This helps when looking at the specials.

Specials are special. The one thing I always tell myself when looking at things on sale is not to get sucked in. You know that motto "the more you spend, the more you save"? That's not true. THE MORE YOU SPEND THE MORE YOU SPEND. Stick to your grocery list.

Example #1: The other day I had on my list "bars". Since I can no longer afford Kashi bars, I'm looking for the next combination of cheapness/healthiness. The Intermarche that I shop at so conveniently had a special on Kellog's bars for $1.99. And they had way less sodium than Nature Valley. Sold! (later, when I actually ate one, I realized that they're not actually not that filling, but what can you do.) (Kashi bars are like $4.89, wtf. Why is health so expensive.)

Example #2: I wanted to make pizza. I needed some tomato sauce. The Intermarche was having a sale on President's Choice tomato sauces for $1.99. Classico's tomato sauce (which is, admittedly, far superior in taste) is $4.29.

Example #3: Fairmount Bagels has a section titled "yesterday's bagels". Twelve plain fresh bagels are $6.75. I got 15 of "yesterday's bagels" for $4.50. They went straight in my freezer and taste delicious when toasted. WIN.

+ The Expensive Things

You know what's expensive? Cheese. Cheese is fucking expensive. Does anyone know a way around this.

I DO, kind of. There's a place on St. Laurent called La Vieille Europe and they have a section of cheeses on special. Once I saw a sizeable chunk of cheese for $2.50 but I didn't need cheese so I didn't get it. But the next time I buy cheese it'll be $5 or less.

You know what's also expensive? CEREAL. Who knew?! Again, I try and look for specials regarding cereal. I'm not really picky, so I'll go with whatever's on sale if it looks good.

Yummy snacks like Oreos are kind of expensive but sometimes worth it because if you're like me and take a long time to eat anything, you'll have oreos for a long time.

In conclusion, grocery shopping is fun and cheap. Yay! Hardly anything is fun and cheap anymore. I'm still looking for a grocery shopping buddy, by the way.

Ps: here's Laura's guide to shopping in Philadelphia.

The Official Birthday Wishlist

+ a harmonica (~$10)

+ ankle socks

+ the shower tap to stop dripping

+ garbage bags (~$7)

+ tea (~$4-$15)

+ a haircut ($25)

+ a week's worth of groceries ($15)

+ moleskin with graph paper ($16)

+ measuring cups for dry ingredients

+ tickets to the stars concert in december (~$25?)

+ boyshorts from american eagle or american apparel (or you could just give me money so i can do this myself)

+ boots (~$30-$70) (dad?)

+ books are always appreciated. just to help you out, some books i am interested in reading are: "running with scissors" by augusten burroughs, anything by haruki murakami, some poetry by william carlos williams, anything by e.e cummings except for "erotic poems" because i already have that, anything by mary gaitskill except for "bad behaviour" because i already have that, anything by loorie moore, etc.

this list will likely be revised and reposted later in november. my birthday is the 27th. i will be old (er). drinks are always accepted.

before you buy me any of these incredibly useful things, i would appreciate it if you DONATED TO AUTOSTRADDLE.COM. and then if you feel like it, feel free to get me some groceries. if you're nice i will let you stay for dinner.

Dear Diary 06.30.10

Dear friends,

This is Emily. I am in Philadelphia. Just chillin', you know. Last weekend I was in NEW YORK CITY for RODEO DISCO NUMERO DOS that's why there have been a lack of updates. I would like to do a full and proper recap of my feelings for this weekend but I don't really have time because I have to go meet Laura with food so we can have a picnic in the park. Anyways, my general feelings are this: last year everything was very tall, especially the buildings and Marie-lyn Bernard. I sat outside Mason-Dixon the whole night. This year the buildings were still tall and so is Riese but I think I grew a little bit. The fact remains that I love everyone at Autostraddle with all my heart and soul. Maybe I will write more about it when the mood strikes.

Here's a picture.

Till next time weirdos!

I Forgot My Own Anniversary, Whatever, New York Is Timeless

So for a long time I thought my blogiversary was January 11 but then I actually checked and it was yesterday. I don't want to link to the first 3 months of this blog ever again. I feel like people are going to start going through my archives anyways and that's embarrassing. I know it's really tempting to see what I was doing last January. NOTHING, I WAS DOING NOTHING, STOP LOOKING.

Actually, around this time last year, what I was doing was reading a lot of autowin and it made me want to start my own blog. It's so weird because one year ago we didn't know each other, I just knew her through her writing, and now I'm in her apartment. The internet is magic, I suppose. Also I have a cold and I hate myself for that.

For my six month "blogiversary" I picked my top six favorite posts but I don't feel like doing that now. I have links on the right side of this blog of my favorite posts, so maybe you should just read those. Instead I thought I would make Riese write something because she inspired me to write and also because she's here so that's easy. Also because I can't think of anything to say. Also x2 I know I've been sucking with the writing lately. Sorz. That will change soon.

Emily Choo wants me to write about EMILY CHOO and when I first started writing my blog, the road less traveled, and learning all the time. When I first started writing my blog I was stupid. I'm still stupid, so that's something that hasn't changed since then. The first blog entry I wrote was a top ten list of everything I imagined I might talk about on my blog. I had a livejournal already. I got a blog because a lot of writers had blogs and the girl I was living with had a blog and I thought mine could be better than her's. So I started it for the worst reason anyone could do anything.

My second post was about ElleGirl shutting down and why I loved it. Two ex-editors of ElleGirl emailed me that week to say how much they appreciated my post and felt I really understood their magazine and so I thought OMG THE INTERNET IS MAGIC. I don't know, then things took off w/r/t NYC & Gawker ... I dunno. I feel like I talk about this stuff too much. Honestly I was just drinking & fucking and doing illegal shit for money most days of the week. Nothing to be proud of. Well; honesty.

Emily Choo thinks she wants me to write things about her but it would actually be better if I didn't. That's the real secret. It's better later [emily choo edit: i don't know what she's talking about here, she didn't even finish her sentence] [emily choo edit x2: apparently she did that on purpose]

The point of life is to learn something every day otherwise what's the point. No really what's the point. If anything besides that is the point, I wish I could be like you, it must be so easy.

Oh yeah and 'the road less traveled' is where all the cool kids hang out. We eat jelly beans and say clever things and hold hands just as friends. We eat feelings, we don't bleed, we don't need. The road less traveled is the name of a self-help book my Mom owned, I don't know if she ever read it or where she went.

The point is to do something new

That's what Emily Choo is gonna do

Thank you, Riese. You are not stupid. Also ps I can't get the colours right. They all look ugly.

Anyways, now that I kind of know more about what I want to write here/have some sort of posting schedule, 2010 is obvs going to be a good year for blogging. My goal is to get 1 million hits a day. Jk. Whatever. I started with 1.5 regular readers and now I have like 20 and then some randoms. I think my friends should read this more.

Tomorrow Never Knows What It Doesn't Know Too Soon

Today is the last day of 2009. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely new decade. I don't know what to think. I guess a lot of people are doing year end reviews and whatever. I don't really have the energy to do that because I can't remember things because I'm old now. Jk! Next year I turn 20, so this is my last year as a teenager. Kind of a scary thought.

Yesterday I was going over in my mind every month of 2009 to think of eventful .. events and I couldn't remember what I did for march break. I did nothing.

Significant events of 2009 in chronological order: meeting katrina, losing the hockey finals, working for autostraddle, getting a "real" job, going to new york for the autostraddle rodeo disco, going to new york for the second time, quitting hockey, being back at school and being happy, going to dc for the march on washington.

It's unlikely that I will ever link to the first 3 months of this blog ever again.

Significant events that I expect will occur in 2010:

January 8-13: NYC

January 11: it will be this blog's 1 year anniversary. weird, huh?

January 17: T&S concert

January 20: back to school ("significant"?)

Everything after that is up in the air. I expect to receive a letter or something from UBC either accepting or rejecting my application and from there I guess I'll have to make some decisions. I want to move into an apartment in the spring/summer. I want to make more trips to NY. I want to still have a job to pay for said trips. Maybe I'll go to Europe. Maybe I'll be in love. I don't know what's going to happen. It's kind of exciting. Hopefully my friends still like me in 2010. Maybe some a really good movie will come out. Maybe a really good book will come out, though I feel that's unlikely. Maybe I'll write a really good book.

Anyways. 2009 was a pretty good year and 2010 looks pretty good too. I mean, I think I'm finally growing up, or whatever. And I'm glad I spent 2009 with the people I did. Because I love love. And disobeying everything my eighth grade teacher taught me about starting sentences with "and", "but", and "because". (I'm JKing about that. Grammar lesson to follow in 2010). Happy New Year!

I Am Not Descartes, There is no Thinking Here (today)

Hey weirdos, it's Thursday. I don't really have anything planned for Thursday in terms of this blog. I've been wondering since Sunday about what to write and I've decided that I'm going to do a photography post, since I haven't done one of those in ages. So I found a bunch of pictures that I really like and hopefully you will like them too. There is no thinking involved today. I mean if you're feeling the way I do you probably don't have the capacity to think anymore. Howevs, you should get ready because maybe possibly sometime soon a real big post is going to drop and you better be around read it.

++

(richard prince)

+

(i got this from riese who doesn't know where she got it)

+

(tegan and sara)

+

(disabled in love)

[time is an invention by people incapable of love]

+

(so i am not above self promotion)

++

If you're curious, my favorite is the Richard Prince one.

Happy Halloween, etc. I'm going to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show tomorrow night. If you're in Montreal come say hi.

A Little Bit of News, A Whole Lotta Love!

News: I finally got.. a.. haircut! That's right, I got rid of my lion's mane.

News: I bought an iPhone which I don't need but who needs anything besides food, shelter, and clothing.

News: I'm going to New York next week so there may be no posts for a few days, but expect something huge when I get back. Or perhaps Katrina and I will do something special if we have time (Katrina if you're reading this y/n?)


Love: you guys!


Click on it! Look at all those comments! Except that I probably just jinxed myself and everyone is going to stop reading.

More News: I got some pictures developed!



Again, click on the pictures to get a larger version. Paint took away some of the quality, unfortunately.

Apologies: An Ode to Valerie

Valerie
is Portugese
which's next to Spain
which's where my other wife lives.

But unlike Penelope
Valerie knows my name.

And even though she won't pose for photographs
she is still the prettiest
Duchess of Holland.

And even though she hates math and logic
she is still really good at it.

And even though she has dark hair and skin
she still reminds me
of summer.

I used to think she hated me
but it turns out
she does not. I think.

I imagine myself reading this to her.
I imagine her saying "aww"
but I think
I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

I hope that Valerie visits me in the West Island
and I hope she yells at me
when I step on her shoes.

[This is my public apology to a dear, dear friend of mine
who, might I add, has a very natural beauty
and does not need to wear make up, ever.
let it be known that I read this to Valerie
and she "aww'd" after every pause.
She also thinks it's funny that I started with "Valerie is Portugese".]

Spring Came Bearing Sunlight, Those Few Persuasive Rays

Did you know that there were only 3 full weeks in april? Unless you count the first week and the last week and then there would be 4 full weeks and a few extra days. Spring is my favourite time of the year.

do you spell it favourite or favorite?
colour or color?
honour or honor?

When the semester is over I'm going to party. Hard. Hopefully I'll be employed by then, then on weekends when people ask me to go out I'll say "No, sorry I can't, I'm working tomorrow morning." and they'll say "Who cares? Come anyway, it'll be fun." and I won't be able to resist and I'll show up for work exhausted but I'll make money for the next weekend so it evens itself out in the end.

Last weekend I went on a hike up Mt. St. Hilaire as part of my gym intensive. For the most part I enjoyed myself. Upcoming Sunday: Mt. Orford. It's a lot more fun when you have good company, like I did. Lately I've been surrounding myself with really great people. If you're reading this and you've been around me recently I probably love you a lot right now. It's not where you are, it's who you're with. Right?

And lots of great things are happening around the world, too: Obama's 100 days in office have so far been a success, everyone in Iowa is allowed to get married, Penelope Cruz is Spanish, Gesche Peters exists, I'm taking more pictures, the swine flu's going around... everything is great!

"I tell you these stories because these things happen to everyone it's not about being starched or polished or cute or polite. It's about having ears that stick out, about breaking yet another glass. It's about seeing something for the first time and making a million mistakes and not ever getting completely discouraged." - Maira Kalman

P.S. April showers bring May flowers