Thursday, October 14, 2010

I Think I'll Print It In The Personals That I'm Looking For A Match

Wanted: Robot Girlfriend

Position starting immediately - mid/late-December

Tasks:
+ eat dinner with me
+ go grocery shopping with me
+ do laundry with me
+ be available for hours of cuddling and spooning (therefore it would help if you are a critter)
+ come over when i call you on the telephone
+ appreciate random text messages
+ make me breakfast in the morning
+ go to bars with me at the last minute
+ bake with me

Bonus if you:
+ have a car
+ have money
+ like sweatpants

DO NOT APPLY IF YOU:
+ have feelings
+ like to wake up early
+ have a life

[also this:
Wanted single F,
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single M F
nothing too heavy
send photo to address
is it you and me?]

Also also I live here:


JUST SAYING. Maybe you want to come over or something.

11 comments:

Amanda said...

If you find one of these robots, let me know. Sounds like a blasty blast.

Diana said...

lol nice. I agree if you find someone who can be that rad lol ask em if they have a nice friend. lol

it's hard to find people who actually are legit and real.

Anonymous said...

That Stars reference makes you the best lady on the internet.

saint modesto said...

amanda: still searching

diana: i want a chauffeur, not someone legit and real

anonymous: i like you, anon

Nadia said...

I am wondering if this was serious. Because you seem fucking adorable. :)

saint modesto said...

YOU'RE HIRED
do you live in montreal
come over now, i want to watch mean girls

Anonymous said...

Where do I apply? I am too bashful to hit on you properly.

saint modesto said...

email me, we can be friends
emily choo 19 [at] gmail [dot] com

Anonymous said...

Really? That's all it takes?! But that's so easy! Maybe I don't need to be single after all. I mean, I don't have a car or money, cos who does, but they're in the Bonus list, not the Must list...so let's see:
+ I eat
+ I shop so I can eat more
+ I wash
+ I lie down
+ I respond well to direction
+ I am easily pleased by others' words
+ I make myself excellent scrambled eggs/fried egg and tomato/porridge - all easily doubled
+ I never say no to a drink
+ The smell of warm carbs makes me gooey

On the Do Not Apply side:
+ Feelings are well hidden until I'm comfortable which takes like, forever, so they may as well not exist
+ no problem there
+ no problem there either

So, wow, a Wanted ad I can fill...And I warrant bonus points for living on the Plateau and loving Stars, no?

saint modesto said...

see above comment.

tahiakhan said...

This makes me sad.