Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Spring Came Bearing Sunlight, Those Few Persuasive Rays

Did you know that there were only 3 full weeks in april? Unless you count the first week and the last week and then there would be 4 full weeks and a few extra days. Spring is my favourite time of the year.

do you spell it favourite or favorite?
colour or color?
honour or honor?

When the semester is over I'm going to party. Hard. Hopefully I'll be employed by then, then on weekends when people ask me to go out I'll say "No, sorry I can't, I'm working tomorrow morning." and they'll say "Who cares? Come anyway, it'll be fun." and I won't be able to resist and I'll show up for work exhausted but I'll make money for the next weekend so it evens itself out in the end.

Last weekend I went on a hike up Mt. St. Hilaire as part of my gym intensive. For the most part I enjoyed myself. Upcoming Sunday: Mt. Orford. It's a lot more fun when you have good company, like I did. Lately I've been surrounding myself with really great people. If you're reading this and you've been around me recently I probably love you a lot right now. It's not where you are, it's who you're with. Right?

And lots of great things are happening around the world, too: Obama's 100 days in office have so far been a success, everyone in Iowa is allowed to get married, Penelope Cruz is Spanish, Gesche Peters exists, I'm taking more pictures, the swine flu's going around... everything is great!

"I tell you these stories because these things happen to everyone it's not about being starched or polished or cute or polite. It's about having ears that stick out, about breaking yet another glass. It's about seeing something for the first time and making a million mistakes and not ever getting completely discouraged." - Maira Kalman

P.S. April showers bring May flowers

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Time Between Meeting and Finally Leaving is Sometimes Called Falling in Love

All I see is beyond the cigarette smoke,
part your lips to the words you spoke.
I harbor in my heart a hard piece of hope
it hardly stays afloat --
but I'll sail this leaky boat,
cover the holes with the ends of my coat and washed up notes,
those silly poems I always wrote.
Take my hand and we'll elope,
we'll learn to cope, I mean it, I've got hope.
I know we'll float

Gently down the stream.
Does anybody know what these words mean?
I mean, you and I, both eighteen
somewhere between being peasants and being queen.
What a world I've dreamed, what a hope I've preened,
what a kiss that nobody's seen.

When we arrive half asleep and ready to weep
onto the shore we leap and lie in a heap.
Listen to the lingering sounds from the street.
What a nice place to meet,
but you're calling defeat,
you're ready to leave, to lose, to retreat.
You want to fix this leak, sail this antique

Back but wait! Stay on the shore
this isn't love if it isn't war --
I think there's more, let's go explore.
I don't know you better than I did before
but it's hard not to adore you, hard to ignore.
First we sailed and now we can soar.
What are you waiting for?

Take my hand and we'll elope,
we'll learn to cope, I mean it, I've got hope.
I know we'll float.

[lisa loeb - falling in love]
[eternity is in love with the productions of time]

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Whatever I Was Then I Can't Ever Be Again

i carved a heart out of wood in my woodshop class in grade 8. the machines scared me. i was scared of getting my fingers cut off. i thought it would be a good idea to carve your initials in the wood, thought it would be romantic even if i was the only one who would ever see it. and there i was, pretending i could hold forever in my hands, pretending there was something i knew to be true beyond all doubt.

one day i found my wooden heart with your initials on it, sitting on my desk. i took a pencil and scratched out your name. it was a long time ago.

in retrospect, and only in retrospect does the world seem less obvious.

Monday, April 20, 2009

You're So Tragedy and You Were Hard On Me

tegan and sara - want to be bad live in melbourne 2006

this is the best live version i've ever heard of this song. i wish i could marry sara. in the sun. against the stones of buildings built before we were born.

if you don't click on that link then you suck.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

i burn down buildings while you sit on shelves inside of them

hope is very naive. i am also naive because i want to change the world and i think that it can happen. i don't mean i want to change everything in the world - that would be really really hard. if i make a difference in one persons life then that's an accomplishment right there.

why do we still hope? do people ever hope that things will change right now? or is it just towards tomorrow that we're looking? i kinda hope things will get better right now. i mean, why else do we get up in the morning. despite all the disappointments the world hands us, one after another, we still get up and continue moving forward because hope defies all logic. just like love. oh yeah, and just so you know, "Love is a great thing. But marriage isn’t just any kind of love; it’s the special love of husband and wife for each other and their children."

ok and if you want to know how tired our society is, count the number of sleeping people on the bus. i bet you will see at least two. sometimes i sleep standing up, leaning against the pole.

and suddenly i'm asking myself these questions again, you know, suddenly i'm thinking about life again and the big picture and mememe in the world. tiny, little me. big, huge world. suddenly i'm feeling things again. remember that tv show charmed? remember their theme song? i am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else. yeah. so take that love haters and fear mongers.

so don't give up hoping. but take that hope and turn it into ACTION! but positive action, you know, something that'll make the world better, not promote ignorance and discrimination. and get up in the morning and come to school cause i want to see your pretty (ugly) face.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Hats Off To My Distant Hope

Okkervil River - Blue Tulip
with every single inch of me i'm going to make you mean it
with every single cell of me i'm going to make you mean the words you sigh


"hockey is a stupid game sometimes."
and my, and my heart has slowly dried up

Monday, April 13, 2009

tell me that you know another way to get it done

wtf, edouard-montpetit
go suck a fish
go eat a donkey
go die

something doesn't feel right
i want to crawl into a hole and stop eating
don't try and make me feel better
cause this time it really matters

it's been a pleasure

you lay awake in the night just staring at the ceiling above
pulling pieces of it out is such a waste of time
keep on fighting to remember that nothing is lost in the end
when you burn, burn, burn your life down

Thursday, April 9, 2009

When the World Turns Its Back On You

The best and worst advice I have ever received has, surprisingly, come from the same person.

Worst: "Walk in the direction of the wind."

Best: "Take a nap."

Seriously though. Take a nap. When things turn to shit, take a nap, and when you wake up your toilet will be unclogged.

other good advice from only the best movie ever: "Hakuna Matata."

When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world. [actually I don't know if this is such a good idea.] [I don't know how to turn my back to the world.]

And you? What kind of good/bad/out-of-nowhere-makes-no-sense-wtf advice have you received?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Rummaging for Answers in the Pages

this is a story.

i thought that i was the loneliest person on the planet
then i started listening to other people and realized they're all lonely too and i thought it was strange that everyone is the loneliest person on earth so why can't we be more kind
i'm going to be more kind to strangers from now on
plus thank you please don't break my heart but

everything breaks my heart and makes me cry
i know there needs to be more love in the world but sometimes i just hate other people

so please just be honest with me tonight and tell me how you really feel
do you love somebody
are you hungry
do you wish you were 7
or 21
i stopped making promises when i realized how unrealistic they are
it's kind of just like a lie you tell to get people on your side so please just be honest with me tonight and tell me how you really feel
at the start of every page i get the chance to write straight
everyday is another chance to write in a straight line
or you could fuck it up

on wednesday i took the bus and as soon as we got on the highway it started rocking back and forth like a boat. i was scared. people were looking around, confused. i looked at them. there was an old lady with cats on her socks and an elderly man who looked like he smoked cigars and a really really really cute girl who looked like she was in an arts program at concordia and a middle aged woman and a fat guy who sat on my right reading about village formations in the northern southwest and a girl on my left studying spanish. i thought all these people looked nice and i didn't feel so scared anymore. i wouldn't mind dying in a bus full of these people. but we didn't die, and i was late for school.

[edit: i totally saw the girl at dawson and got freaked out 'cause i wrote about her in my blog.]

Friday, April 3, 2009


As I was stepping out of my house I saw Tom and I said, "Tom I hate you, go away," but Tom ignored me and came inside so I had to follow him.

"Why are you even here? I don't want your stupid babies," I said.
"You don't have to have my babies, I'm just here to do some cleaning," he said.
"Fine, but hurry up and get out," I said.

But I still felt like I couldn't leave.

"Tom, you're not very dependable. You're never on time; you're always too early or late and it throws me off schedule. And when you're here I feel like I can't be away for long periods of time so I end up sitting in sweatpants and eating all day and it makes me cranky," I said, "and on top of that, you damage the furniture whenever you're here. Tom, you're fired!"
"You can't fire me, I quit!" Tom said.

He paused.
"Just kidding, you can't fire me. We have a contract with Mother Nature. I'm here for another thirty years."

"You're an asshole, Tom," I said.

"Actually I'm more like a vagina."