Motherfu-Nature

As I was stepping out of my house I saw Tom and I said, "Tom I hate you, go away," but Tom ignored me and came inside so I had to follow him.

"Why are you even here? I don't want your stupid babies," I said.
"You don't have to have my babies, I'm just here to do some cleaning," he said.
"Fine, but hurry up and get out," I said.
"Fine."

But I still felt like I couldn't leave.

"Tom, you're not very dependable. You're never on time; you're always too early or late and it throws me off schedule. And when you're here I feel like I can't be away for long periods of time so I end up sitting in sweatpants and eating all day and it makes me cranky," I said, "and on top of that, you damage the furniture whenever you're here. Tom, you're fired!"
"You can't fire me, I quit!" Tom said.

He paused.
"Just kidding, you can't fire me. We have a contract with Mother Nature. I'm here for another thirty years."

"You're an asshole, Tom," I said.

"Actually I'm more like a vagina."


WHUH-PAH!