Saturday, February 27, 2010

How Do I Loathe Thee, February? Let Me Count The Ways

Let's face it: February fucking sucked. No, seriously. February, the shortest month of the year, felt like it was itself a hundred years long. February sucked the life out of me. I don't know if it's because I'm PMSing or if the world just wants to be annoying, but I can't help but be pissed off at EVERYTHING! RAWR!

February is not the bus that you missed by 1 minute. February is the bus that never came. February left you standing in the wet, wet snow.

February is 3 work shifts and $108. February is not enough money to start a savings account because there are no savings.

February is never leaving your house on weekends. February is a broken promise. February made me spiteful and cynical and bitter.

February is an annotated bibliography.
(February is an exorcise in bullshit.)

February is Monday everyday.

These are my thoughts/feelings:
I am not going to finish A Farewell to Arms.
I need a hair cut.

That's it.

This is why I hated February:
1. Integrative Seminar
2. Text Summaries
3. Ann Veronica
4. This semester fucking sucks?
5. I missed the bus every day by 10 seconds.
6. everything else

I have so much rage it's kind of scaring me. I mean I kind of wanting to elbow an old man in the face yesterday.

There's this song that kind of summarizes how I feel about February, it's called "I Hate Everyone" by Get Set Go and you should listen to it.

Some stupid chick in the check out line
was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
and some old manic with coupons
argued whenever they wouldn't take one.
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
but I couldn't take it anymore so I left.

I hate everyone.

Alright. Let's go, March!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Jaime Alexander Was a Painter

Jaime Alexander was a painter. She painted a lot of things. She painted people and animals. She painted things from her imagination. She did not paint things that were not real. Jaime sent her paintings to museums but the museums sent them back. Jaime set up an exhibit to auction off her paintings. Jaime sold one painting. Jaime's mom bought one painting. Jaime's mom said Jaime was a good painter.

Jaime was not making money from painting. Jaime had to get a job. Jaime applied for a job at an organic grocery store. She got the job. She had to wear a green apron. Jaime worked at the cash register.

One day when Jaime was walking back to her apartment from the organic grocery store she saw a little boy eating ice cream on a cone. The little boy stopped to lick his ice cream and then ran after his mother. The little boy dropped the ice cream on his shirt. He sat on the pavement and wept. Jaime watched him from across the street. The little boy's mother sighed and started wiping his shirt with a napkin. The little boy cried and cried.

Jaime went home and started to draw. She drew the little boy sitting in the street. His little hand held half an ice cream cone. The other half lay broken in the street. There was a big ice cream stain on his chest. Some of the ice cream was melting in the sun. The little boy's eyes were scrunched up. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Jaime began to paint the drawing. She made the ice cream pink. She made the little boy's shirt red and black stripes. She made his hair blond. The little boy was wearing overalls. The mother was not in Jaime's painting. The little boy's mouth was open. Jaime imagined his little voice wailing. She imagined this was the worst day of the little boy's life.

Jaime finished her painting. It had taken her 7 days. Jaime was invited to exhibit her art at a studio with 4 other artists. Jaime only showed one painting. It was the painting of the little boy.

Oprah came to the art exhibit. Oprah bought Jaime's painting for $5 million. Jaime quit her job at the organic grocery store.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I Must Admit I Was Charmed By Your Advances

[death cab for cutie - title track]

i love everything about this album. i hope i haven't already used this picture.

i rushed this... we moved too fast... trips into the guest room...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

the future is so bright let me go put on some sunglasses

hello life suddenly got so good.

integrative seminar = worst part is over.

my job is to watch music videos and pick good ones.

in march i am going to philadelphia and new york.

i'm eating pull n' peel.

look at freja beha isn't she pretty

i don't really have much else to say because i've been busy this week so i haven't written anything

i wish i had long legs like freja

have a really good weekend, people

Monday, February 15, 2010

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Sweet-Ass Lyrics and Lines Pt. 2: I'll Bring Home the Turkey

Also: Autostraddle made you a Valentine's day mixtape which includes anti-Valentine's day songs if you hate everything. I made some picks so go check it out!

"..till he forgets the crawling way real people sometimes are."

Pink Floyd - Time
"and you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. racing around, to come up behind you again."

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue
"autumn's sweet, we call it fall, i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl."

"and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on."

Rise Against - Life Less Frightening
"i don't ask for much, truth be told i'd settle for a life less frightening."

"i wish i was too young to taste the time tripped over and over again."

The Shins - Australia
"i felt like i could just fly, but nothing happened every time i tried."

The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings
"despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage."

The Smiths - How Soon is Now?
"i am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else."

"when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."
(because it's too hard to chose anything else)

Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer
"the truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
"there i am in the morning, i don't like what i see."
(chosen arbitrarily, or else i would just have to put every line ever)

"it's you when i look in the mirror and it's you when i don't pick up the phone."

The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving
"the sidewalks are watching me think about you."

Weezer - El Scorcho
"i'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon."

and just for the record because it's one of the greatest lines ever in the whole world
Bright Eyes - Saturday as Usual
"i can't see the point of patient love when everyone just wants to get fucked."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

what the fuck are you talking about, emily choo

when i get scared i go to sleep. i'm scared of everything, a lot, all the time.

the major questions i had on the way home were: why does only one of my earphones work, why do my socks fall off when i walk, and when did life become such a habit.

i keep saying i'm going to live, but when i say that i mean i'm going to live tomorrow. like everything i'm doing now is so that i can live later. but then it's friday night and i'm still at home and it's saturday and i'm at home and it's sunday and i've slept all day. the thing is that i'm so stuck inside my head that i can't do anything ever.

then i think that i don't want to do anything anyways and that's so sad. i got so existential on the bus. i got so city girl on you, i went so crazy i didn't know what to do. i thought that there was nothing in life that i wanted to do, so maybe i should hide or something and what does that even mean.

people assume that you want to do something when they ask what do you want to do. nobody ever seems to know what they want to do, just that they want to do something. i'm scared because i don't want to do anything. i don't want to do anything because i'm scared.

my dad told me that i could live at home for the rest of my life and he would cook me dinner every night. i said that maybe i would do that, maybe i would just hide. but we both know i'd never do that. except it's so tempting, like eating that second french fry.

but sometimes it just seems so silly, like, sarah palin wrote a book and she's gonna make more money off her book than i'm ever going to make in my whole life and at least i write my own words. even if sometimes my words don't make sense i think that's okay because the world often doesn't make sense so it's just a reflection of my/the world. i realize i hate writing academically because it feels so fake and well sometimes i just want to shout at my paper. sometimes i just want to write "jdghjhgifsiugiu AND THEN THIS HAPPENED..."

it just feels very weird that sarah palin wrote a book and it's weird that i'm thinking about this. after i read 'shoplifting from american apparel' i really wanted to write a book because tao lin made it look so easy, but then i thought that he went to college and his professors were like "tao lin is so great" and my professors don't say that about me. they write "AWK" all over my pages, like awkward, so awkward, so stylistically awkward what a weirdo. so how could i write about shoplifting from american apparel if someone already did it. i'd be so embarrassed if i was sarah palin's ghostwriter but then maybe she actually likes sarah palin, or maybe she just got paid a lot. how the hell did sarah palin write a book, like how did that actually happen.

also tao lin googles himself a lot, hi tao lin.

sometimes i feel like i'm not living right. is this what life is, is it preparing yourself for life in the future. why don't we just throw up our arms and throw our papers out the window and run naked through the streets.

i don't know why we have to be naked.

no really, should i be doing drugs or something, should i be sleeping less and drinking more redbull. redbull is so expensive. should i be like stephen king and do so much cocaine that my nose bleeds all over my keyboard while i write stories that i won't remember i wrote and somehow they'll just become bestsellers.

if sarah palin can become a politician maybe i should. i feel like it's this scene where there is a mob of people jostling in suits and shouting words and i could just jump in there and shout things. ha ha ha ha ha ha that is so dumb. i could shout that. i spelled my name wrong on my mcgill application and now it's finalized and i can't change it.

i really ought to recognize when i'm talking crazy. two days after i press 'publish post' i'll read this over and be like oh what crazy craziness, what a terrible adjective.

how long before i'm famous
how long until i write a book
how long until i'm alone, i mean really, how long until i let myself go

how long until i write a better poem

can i do better than this shit right here. do smarter words come out of my fingertips. is that where words come from. how long until i learn proper punctuation.

how long until i learn to spell my name.

anyways, what if there's nothing that i want to do. how did this happen that everywhere i look inside my life all i can think is "i don't want to do that". no, that's not really what i think. i think blah blah. whatever.

i might be running out of stories because i never go outside. that's stupid. emily dickinson never went outside. i thought emily dickinson died when she was 27 like everybody else except that's not true. it's kind of like that time i thought helen keller died when she was 13. helen keller died when she was 87. i made that up. but she was old. helen keller is katrina's hero.

"long story, no point," as dan sullivan would say, "at any rate..."

there actually was no point to this.

Monday, February 8, 2010

If You Find Yourself Falling Apart...

[band of horses - the great salt lake]

this is one of the first songs i heard by band of horses. half the time i can't understand what he's saying, but it's still awesome.

oh, i suppose this is a good time to tell you i started a tumblr. i like to pretend i can do everything all at once.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Sweet Ass Lyrics and Lines Part 1 of 500

I haven't really been able to think of something to write about for today because I've been busy sleeping/thinking about all the work I have to do so this post is a bit of a cop-out. I was listening to Bon Iver's "re:stacks" and I thought to myself, I love the lyrics to this song. Naturally then I started thinking of all my favourite lyrics, or some of the best lyrics I've ever heard. Sometimes lyrics can save a song (or completely ruin it) and sometimes they can hold more weight than perhaps intended simply because of what is going on in your life at the time.

So this is a look at some lines that I think are really clever or meaningful and that I probably put in my MSN name at one time in high school. Also I didn't realize that this was a huge undertaking and so there will be a part two and probably a part three to this. I mean srsly I just spent hours going through songs and looking up lyrics. This is from A-N and there's a zillion in between that I missed so I have no idea how I'm going to organize this are you even reading anymore


Bon Iver - Skinny Love
"now all your love is wasted and who the hell was i?"

Bright Eyes - Easy/Lucky/Free
"there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free"

Chris Walla - It's Unsustainable
"sing again, now and then; now at least."

The Cure - Plainsong
"sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at the edge of the world."

Damien Rice - Cannonball
"it's not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know."

Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body
"if the silence takes you then i hope it takes me too."

"heaven is a place we built out of stone."

Iron & Wine - Lion's Mane
"love is the best sensation hiding in the lion's mane."

Jack's Mannequin - Miss Delaney
"in no time there'll be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal."

Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart
"watch the world i used to love fall to dust and blow away."

Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon
"don't know why i'm still afraid, if you weren't real i would make you up."

Lady Gaga - Monster
"he ate my heart and then he ate my brain."

Modest Mouse - Missed the Boat
"oh, and i laugh all the way to hell, saying, "yes this is a fine promotion.""

"you must be crazy, to die is no cure at all."

Motion City Soundtrack - The Future Freaks me Out
"it's so hard to relate to the whole human race. i don't know where to begin."

"i know you're in this room, i'm sure i heard you sigh."

The National - Slow Show
"way out of sync from the beginning."

The New Pornographers - Challengers
"whatever the mess you are, you're mine."


be back later/to be continued/whatevs

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Team Picks - From the Autostraddle Archives!

At Autostraddle we have something called 'Team Picks'. Basically if someone on the team finds something cool on the internet that doesn't apply to a daily fix or isn't big enough to be an article/feature, they put it as their pick. Team Picks are one of my favourite things on Autostraddle, so I went back through the archives and picked some cool old ones!


Alex's Team Pick - September 23, 2009

What would happen if we printed the internet?

Jess's Team Pick - October 8, 2009

Time-lapse video on how beauty is made.

Laura's Team Pick - October 19, 2009

"Does anyone know how to knit? 'Cause this little baby is all I want for Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving." I LOVE THIS ONE I literally spit all over my screen laughing about this.

Lily's Team Pick - November 9, 2009

People of Walmart! Sidenote I remember spending a lot of time looking at this?

Emily's Team Pick - November 15, 2009

Laura's Team Pick - November 26, 2009

Emily's Team Pick - December 1, 2009

A vicious polar bear attack. (it's worth clicking on this one).

Riese's Team Pick - December 11, 2009

If you don't "get" Lady Gaga.

Alex's Team Pick - February 1, 2010


Okay, I think that's enough shit for you to click on/waste time! All the Team Picks can be seen here. There are a zillion more awesome ones waiting to be rediscovered!

Monday, February 1, 2010

If the Children Don't Grow Up

[the arcade fire - wake up [where the wild things are remix]]

[the arcade fire - wake up [album version]

children wake up, hold your mistake up before they turn the summer into dust.