Monday, October 25, 2010

we've been selected in this beautiful lottery

[bright eyes - blue angels air show]

a thing happened.

a person happened.

she was born, she grew fingers and legs and stuff. often i would wonder how something would get to where it did, like how did those little hairs on her cheek get to be in those exact spots. why were her fingers that exact length. why is it like this.

why is it like this and not like this.

we fucked up i guess.

did we?

i am pulled apart. my arms are stretched enough to encompass the whole world. but they don't. is that a thing that matters?

a feeling happened. there is a feeling... of ... love ..., of never doubting that you are loved. it's a luxury, for sure. it's a feeling that we have. it's a thing that was born. and it grew. and we are forever responsible for what we have tamed. we are responsible forever for what we have created. we made love with the tips of our fingers.

there are things we have to do. between now and then. there are things that need to happen.

i am reminded of things i've forgotten. the way doors can open and people just walk in. it's not unexpected, no it's just how you planned it. i'm beginning to think that it might never happen. but now it is happening.

a door it is opening.

there are things that i know to be true. like how love is a form of truth and we pull it apart like hungry wolves. we had it. and how is anything ever going to be as good as what we had.

i mean -- you said you needed time and you had time. i said i needed love and i had love. but we tore it apart like hungry wolves. we don't know our teeth are actually knives. now we know.

but what can we do? i feel like edward scissorhands.

"so this is my life. and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i'm still trying to figure out how that could be." - the perks of being a wallflower


Anonymous said...

i love irony

saint modesto said...

as do i, anon, as do i.

rebekah said...

"i said i needed love and i had love. but we tore it apart like hungry wolves. we don't know our teeth are actually knives."

And somehow, through the impossible channels of the internet, I find you and I find this and you've spoken the words I can't seem to say. You've said what I've kept tucked away, underneath ribs and lungs and lodged somewhere in this pulpy mess of a heart, and your words are perfect and true.

You are brave and heart-breaking and terribly beautiful. Thank you.

saint modesto said...

that was a very sweet comment rebekah. the internet is magical. i wish i were better at responding to nice comments. i guess it's nice to know you're not alone

(i was going to put a period at the end of that but i like it better unfinished)