Saturday, August 8, 2009

Moxie Fucking CrimeFighter and Pilot Inspektor Are Here to Rescue You

Even though I'm pretty sure I never want to have children, when I read about parents who beat their kids (for the most random things?) I imagine what it would be like if I had kids and that I would probs do a better job. Except I think that's what most people say when they decide to have kids -- they plan to do this and that differently from their own parents and I'm pretty sure no one has kids with the idea that they're going to beat and rape them. I think that craziness develops after. Mostly with unplanned parenthood. The truth is that I would actually be a bad parent because I have no patience and I don't like being responsible for other people.

Anyways. The most important thing about children are their names, obvs. My favorite celebrity child's name is Tallulah Belle [Demi Moore and Bruce Willis]. I mean, the rest are just over the top, like Sage Moon Blood. If I had a kid I would name it Heinz Nectarine Bath Choo. That's for a boy. If I had a girl her name would be Starshine Sprinkle Sprout Choo. Jk. If I had a kid I would name it Ah.

Get it!?!? K.

Dweezil. Moon Unit. MOON UNIT! Moon. Unit. Audio Science. Diezel Ky. Fifi Trixibell. Moxie fucking* CrimeFighter. Pilot Inspektor. Zuma Nesta Rock. Peaches Honeyblossom. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Memphis Eve. Poppy Honey. Seven Sirius.

I'm not just saying random words. These are crazy/retarded/terrible/awesome baby names. Sometimes I wonder how people think of these names or if they purposely want their child to be made fun of every day for 13 years.

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*not actually part of the name, but it makes it sound so much more badass. Moxie fucking danger crimefighter anyone?

4 comments:

Lucia said...

One of my middle names is Pringle. 20 years later I still fail to get it. It's not fun, don't do it!

k.c. danger said...

i am just going to name my child danger. it'll save the trouble.

also LOLucia pringle.

saint modesto said...

lucia: ONE of your middle names?? I'm curious to hear the others. Maybe your parents were eating pringles at the time, which is the only explanation I can think of.

Katrina: I love that you combined "lol" and "lucia". I think you should name your kid something that would go with Casino. Like Big Casino. Rob Morrow named his kid Tu. TU MORROW. I don't know who Rob Morrow is.

k.c. danger said...

i never planned on having children, but now i'm going to have one so i can name them "mohegun sun."