sadness in the new, sadness is the old

you know i come here to listen to sad songs and think about how to say whatever it is that i can't say

it's not words it's physical

enough talk let's fuck

our hearts out our stomach top of the roller coaster i'm going down

to the bottom


to lie here and think about

why bon iver's first album is still so good

and winter in a minnesota cabin

between the trees some frozen tears


i could feel them fuck between the walls

remembered what it's like to reach through and grab nothing

press yourself against the wall

like a magnet from a distance


how many ways to say whatever it is i can't say

i can't say but i know now

i mean i think i know     you guys    i think i know

i didn't choose this but i want it


nostalgia 101 - a hundred different things about love

Things I Care About Having On My iPhone

Recently, my iPhone 3G broke. It was my second cellphone ever. I'd had it for over 3 years meaning that my contract had already expired and I'd been paying month by month.

I went to the Apple store and the guy told me that I could get the iPhone 4S for $0 if I signed a contract (the other option was to get a replacement 3GS for a fee (which was more than $100 but less than $700) but no contract). Actually he strongly suggested I get the iPhone 4. So I could, you know, take advantage of all the new technology. I said I'd had the iPhone 3G for over 3 years - do you really think I care about new Apple technology?

Basically all I want is all the basic things the majority of phones have nowadays, with a wifi connection. Why do I bother getting an iPhone then? One: I like the size and shape. Two: phone + ipod combined.

Things I care about having on my phone:

+ ability to make phone calls
+ text messaging
+ the weather network app
+ ipod
+ email app + wifi
+ calendar + alarm
+ calculator

Bonus:

+ facebook app
+ maps
+ camera
+ instagram app which I actually rarely use
+ safari

I think the idea that I can't have everything infuriates me

I think the idea that I can't have it all drives me insane. Why can't I take 18 credits and have a job at the same time? Because that's insane. Why can't I learn the things I want to learn? What did I come to university for? To be a writer. Oh yeah, to be a writer. That's what I said before I came here. I said I would be a writer with or without university. But aren't I writing right now? Isn't anyone who writes a writer? Oh, but to be a good writer. Ah, well.

Here I am. I want everything. An apartment with a living room for fuck's sake. A job that doesn't take everything I am for minimum wage plus 10cents. It's nothing. It's something. I feel broken.

If I don't like it why do I do it? If I demand better what does that make me? Insolent, maybe. Ungrateful.

Can I get some quiet? I know, I know, I know. It's just this day. But I can't be quiet. I can't turn me off. There's always someone in there, knock knock knock, right, she says, why can't you have it all. And then another, you have too much. Oh, help. You'll never have enough.

Oh, and I want and I want and I want it all.

[the temper trap - fools]

Things I Want Right Now That I Can't Afford

1. a studio apartment (or, really, just any apartment)

2. a new bike

3. an iphone 4

4. fame

5. this hoodie

6. laser eye surgery