Thursday, November 12, 2009

Read, Recycle, Write Poetry

So I know I just wrote a post about how people shouldn't write poetry 'cause they suck at it, but here I am writing some poetry and hopefully it doesn't suck and then I won't be such a hypocrite. For the record, Riese is currently not in New York, but on a fucking boat in Mexico. Since New York is where she lives that's how it happened in the poem. This all started because Laura wrote me an email about being stuck inside because her transit system thing was on strike and she was cuddling with her dog, then I had too many feelings about life so I had to write words.

Also I'd just like to point out that I think writing things down fictionalizes them. Once it's written down it takes on a life of its own, whatever 'it' is.

++

Do you think I'm a jerk because I answer harshly sometimes?
I've been taught to be defensive.
I get sad too, you know.
I get sad when it's midnight
and Riese is gone (she's in New York)
and Laura is lonely (she's got a dog).

Do you know what it takes to look in the mirror sometimes?
I've been taught to be obsessed.
I get tired too, you know.
I get tired in the morning
and my dad is gone (he has a job)
and Tina is asleep (she has time).

Do you know how it hurts to see you walk by sometimes?
I've been taught to stay away.
I get desperate too, you know.
I get desperate after school
and Esmé is gone (she is smarter)
and Val is gone (she works).

Do you cry on the way home sometimes?
I listen to Bon Iver and it hurts.
I get damaged too, you know.
It's all this time I spent alone
when Riese is gone (she's in New York)
and Laura is lonely (she's got a dog).

++

Congratulations.
I hate you.
Yes, I'm bitter.
Yes, I'm jealous.
Yes, I'm mad you're seeing someone else.

Yes, it hurts.

Congratulations.
Was it easy?
Yes, I'm sad,
yes, I'm foolish,
yes, I realize I'm just bad at it.

Yeah, it hurts.

Fuck off.
I hate you.
Yes, I'm bitter
and jealous and foolish and sad
and, yes, I'm miserable
'cause you're happier now.

So yeah, it does hurt.
Congratulations.

++

I'm thinking of investing in a sign:
"I don't know".
Don't ask me why.
I don't know.
Knowing hurts.

++

I noticed you got a haircut last weekend.
It's nice, I like it.
No really, it's cute.

I like it when you wear canvas shoes and plaid shirts
and black framed glasses.
They're cute, really.

I look for you on de Maisonneuve sometimes
but you quit smoking the day I started.
My chest hurts.

++

I have this urge to quote a song
but it doesn't sound as good when I say it.
Listening hurts.

++

I cry on the way home sometimes.
I listen to Bon Iver and it hurts.

And I miss all the people that are gone.

++

And loving hurt,
so I took a nap.

And a nap was all it took to forget your face for a while.

I woke up and it was very clear:
Shower, study, drink tea.
Read, recycle, write poetry.
Love.

And I miss all the people that are gone.

4 comments:

elliB said...

:) This is beautiful. I write poems that may or may not actually be poems all the time. And I'm sure they are mostly not good. But I feel better after writing them, so I don't care. But this is good. And I want to hug you.

Daphne Duck said...

I like your words.
I used to write poems. I used to be good at it too. i even got a poem national. I only write when I'm depressed though. It's the only time where words make sense to me. I'm not allowed to give in to the urge of writing poetry, my therapist says. It's like giving in to depression. But I miss words soo much. I'm serious.

laura said...

hey emily.

this is exactly what i need right now.

reading you is almost as good as actually hanging out with you.

i think my favorite parts are these:

"And loving hurt,
so I took a nap.

And a nap was all it took to forget your face for a while."

i need a nap.

saint modesto said...

ellib: sometimes i write prose that sounds like poetry and i don't know what to do with it. i'm just tired of reading a classmate's terrible poetry, that's what inspired the other post. come to montreal so we can have a big bear hug!

daphne: i only write poetry when i'm sad too. every other time i try to write it just sucks. when i'm sad the words click.

laura: i feel like we are in a similar situation where people are hurting us and it actually hurts. katrina told me that taking naps solve everything, at least for a while.