absence poem #1

you said once that your heart was making a lot of noise and you thought that i might hear it. well, i wish i could hear it now. i wish i could hear your heartnoise and i wish you could wrap it in an envelope and send it in the mail and i could open it and use it as a way to tell the time, but not clocktime, but counttime that tells me when your heart noises faster and when it noises slower, a steady noise, until i hear an excited "yesyesyes" that tells me you're coming home.

i wish we were on an air mattress in new york city with the thump thump thump and gentle touch and my own heartnoise humming like happy. i wish your heartnoise would give you away now. i wish i could feel your heart through your fingertips. i wish your heartnoise was something i could keep in a jar but it's lost now anyhow.

i wish i could press my ear to your chestdoor, and heartnoise calming and full, beat, beat, beat, i wish i could hear it now, a "yes yes yes" and maybe soon some sleep.