Saturday, April 17, 2010

The "L" Word

By "The L Word" I obviously mean "left-handed". I have no idea if this is a widely known fact, but it is well established in my brain that being left handed is cooler than being right handed. Left handed people are generally more artsy (something sciency about brains and whatever) and being left handed is a really great metaphor for being gay. Laura the Left Handed Lesbian told me that left handed people die on average 7 years earlier than right handed people. This is because the world is made for right handed people. I don't know where Laura got this fact from, she could have made it up and I wouldn't know because I don't fact-check anything. Life is really hard for lefties. Did you know that if you were a left handed child in the olden days your parents would probably make you write with your right hand because the left hand is the hand of the devil? Probs you did know that.

Anyways, I think left handed people are really cool and I can't help but notice whenever I see someone using their left hand. But also I usually notice quirky things about people anyway, and I'm pretty good at remembering birthdays. Anyways, without further ado, here are some really awesome left handed people from history and real life. (i know that didn't make sense but i feel like leaving it so suck it).

+Barack Obama

Look at Barack Obama signing important documents w/ his left hand.

+Tina Fey

And you thought Tina Fey couldn't get any fucking cooler.

+Justin Bieber

Yeah I dunno the person I like really likes Bieber so by default I'm more inclined to like him in a lesbian kind of way.


I couldn't get a picture of Oprah using her left hand but here's a video of her signing autographs!

+Motherfucking Napoleon Bonaparte

This looks like it could be a painting of Napoleon signing something OH LOOK HERE'S NAPOLEON ON HIS HORSE

+Helen Fucking Keller

So for about 18 years I thought Helen Keller died when she was 13. TURNS OUT SHE WAS 88.

+Leonardo Da Vinci obviously

So obvs I have no way to verify if Da Vinci was left-handed, but I mean c'mon. Actually I think he was probably ambidextrous because that guy could do anything.

+Angelina Jolie OH EM GEE YOU GUYS

Okay, I did not know Angelina was left-handed. Look at those veins on her arm! I love veins.

+Paul McCartney

Paul looks like a badass here.

I don't know if they will allow their pictures but they are both left handed and gay which is 10000% more fascinating than anything else ever. Plus they are both special snowflakes in their own right.

If you are interesting in see more famous left handed people then you should check out the links that I used here and here. However I'd like to note that neither Marilyn Monroe nor Albert Einstein were left handed, to my disappointment. People keep asserting that Einstein was left handed but a quick google image search shows him using his right hand, so.


Ari said...

It's kind of easy to like Justin Bieber in a lesbian kind of way:

laura said...

i got that fact from "all american girl," the literacy masterpiece about a red haired weirdo who saves the president from a bullet by meg cabot, author of the best-selling series "the princess diaries."

k.c. danger said...

helen keller = really fucking old

saint modesto said...

ari: haha yeah i've seen that before! it's actually hilarious even if sometimes they just post pictures of lesbians that don't look like justin bieber.

laura: did you know there's a movie called "all american girl" starring margaret cho? 'cause i just found that out while fact-checking your fact, which i couldn't actually confirm or deny.

kc danger: thank you for enlightening me, btw, you were the one who told me helen keller was not 13 when she died. also you told me helen keller is a national hero, which i still find funny.