Friday, May 15, 2009

can this still turn out to be a love poem?

[this is a night post, meant to be read late at night, or, really really early in the morning]

her voice sung around me, and everything felt very loud. i was thinking about amanda, about summer, taking pictures in the city. it doesn't take much for my heart to settle quietly in someone else's chest. and when the song was over, it began again. i didn't want to say goodbye because i knew it would all begin again.
i wish that you were not so afraid of disappointing people, because you never disappoint me. i wish you were happier i wish that happiness came from me somehow. i wish you knew how smart you were, how you outstrip us all. oh hey did you know this is you: "i remember every instance when you stung me you're so lovely oh you're so smart. so go turn their heads, go knock them dead, go break their hearts." i should just say that to you cause that's you, that's really really you so here you go this is for you. everything is for you. and i read you in stephen dunn sometimes too. yes on page 90 and 91 there you are. i think stephen dunn meant to write someone else in the pages, he's also trying to avoid someone in his mind but it never works i know i've written poems like that too. trying to keep you off the page never works. also know that most of what i've written is borrowed somehow from someone more brilliant than i could ever be (this is me trying to write footnotes).
and i wish you were here right now or i wish that i was there with you.

"once we get to the end of this song then another will begin. so you said, in our bed. i was watching light ship through blinds to find your skin..." - okkervil river "get big"


k.c. danger said...

It's funny because, after staying up until 6am, I didn't stumble upon this until now.

I will respect your wishes and wait until I'm up that late/early again to read this, because I'm really intrigued by it.

Another comment to follow.

saint modesto said...

5 am is like the ideal time to read it, i think. i wrote it around midnight on tuesday or something but it feels like a 5 am post.

k.c. danger said...

Sometimes it takes me like a week to follow up on things.

Anyway, I read this the other night (morning) at like 5:30, and got really weirdly emotional because I had just written a sentimental goodbye letter of sorts that expressed a lot of the same thoughts, and I still really love the way you express everything etc etc. Your blog entries always lead me to believe that we should start talking more again.